The Splat Grind--6/9

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even not knowing which button activates your Ink Storm. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.

June 3: The first challenge is today (and technically also yesterday, but it was 11 pm). It’s just Turf War on the new stages, and you have no sub abilities. I picked up my Colander of Truth with Quick Respawn, my white Z+F tee with Special Power Up, my Zebrafish Hi-Tops with Swim Speed Up, and my trusty Inkbrush and went in.

The first battle was on Humpback Pump Track. We’ve got an Aerospray RG, an Inkbrush, a Splatana Wiper Deco, and Light Tetra Dualies. A nice variety, but variety doesn’t matter when the other team has two Aerospray RGs and two Painbrushes. I like Humpback Pump Track, or as I like to call it, Humpback Jump Hack, because it’s a big circle with tracks going all the way around it so I can just run around the edges getting free turf and staying away from the enemies most of the time. I say most of the time because sometimes you find other people who had the same idea as you, and, as you might have guessed from the Aerospray RGs, we were getting constantly bombed out by Booyah Bombs. Despite our valiant efforts, we lost by eight percent, but I got 1203 points from running around the edge. Then I noticed it takes five battles to calculate your Challenge power. I guess I’m in this.

The thing about challenges is that it puts you with completely different people every time, and the matchmaking is insanely fast. The second battle was on Barnacle and Dime against batmanyaoi? We better not lose this. We have an E-Liter. The battle started out easy, but then I made it to the center, and Fin the Dapples and Lunchbox the Painbrush were there. Then I got splatted and saw a roller-sized streak on our base, but the culprit was gone. The roller, as it happens, was batmanyaoi, and they splatted me at least twice. I think three out of four people splatted me at some point. We were having the time of our life on their base at the end, but they were also having the time of their life on ours. Despite the switch, we won by 0.3 percent. I can’t believe I almost lost to batmanyaoi.

The third battle was on Humpback Pump Track. This battle was cool, but Mkultra was hiding in the outside track terrorizing people. I say terrorizing people as if they got splatted fewer than six times. There’s enough vertical difference that I can jump down behind people and splat them. I just need to do it without them noticing me. At the end, they were starting to close the lead, but we still won by two percent, and I got 1211 points, four splats to three times splatted, and a fist bump. These games are way too close, y’all.

I took a quick break to trim that video clip I got of me fist-bumping ULTRA BLUE so I could post it to Twitter later, and then I got back to it. The fourth battle was on Barnacle and Dime. This battle started out SO good. Let me tell you. We spent the first half on their base. I get the single. I get the double. I do not get the triple, though, because YI Mike splatted me and then squidbagged on my corpse. Well, I never! It was when they squidbagged that the enemy team got the power to push forward onto center and then onto our base, and then we lost by 20 percent.

The fifth and final battle was on Humpback Jump Hack. There were two Splatlings on the other team, and they might have had Heavy Deco and the Krak-On Roller, but I don’t think there was a single point where we weren’t in the lead. First of all, Sadderall was carrying on these splats. In fact, everyone was carrying on splats. I was at the bottom. Second of all, the enemy team must have terrible observation skills because I splatted pookasnoot without even knowing they were there. I think they were just hiding. You’d think they’d notice the Inkbrush whacking the puddle of ink they’re in and run away. Speaking of running away, I think I chased Destroyah the Krak-On Roller pretty much halfway around the stage back to our home base before they jumped off the track and got splatted by someone else. We won by 28 percent, which more than makes up for that last battle, and I got four splats to three times splatted.

I got three wins and two losses. That ain’t half bad. My challenge power is 1382. Is that good? I don’t know, but I hope the jump physics challenge is on Humpback Pump Track so I can feel justified in calling it Humpback Jump Hack.

June 5: Day 2 of trying new weapons. Today’s weapon is the S-Blast. Initial reaction in the training room: it’s definitely a blaster. I like the noise it makes when you jump, and I can Reefslide with the best of ‘em.

The first battle was on Barnacle and Dime. We got two S-Blasts, joker on Splat Dualies, and WEEGEE on the Gloogas. The other team has an E-Liter, two Splatana Wipers, and a Bigger Swig Roller. The first part of the battle was simple: stay on home base and get it covered so we have a strong foundation, something the enemy team doesn’t seem to understand because the E-Liter and the Tenta Missiles are already here. The worst part was this was a good E-Liter. I was beginning to miss what the center of the stage felt like because if even it wasn’t the E-Liter, it was one of the wipers. We lost by 37 percent, I got splatted 10 times, and only one person on our team managed to get a single splat, and you bet your boots it wasn’t me.

Well, it wasn’t the weapon that was bad. I quit the lobby and joined another one. The second battle was on Barnacle and Dime. This time, there was an E-Liter on our team, and knowing my luck, they’re probably bad. This battle started fairly even. I was able to see the center again. I also splatted someone point blank, which felt pretty rad until I got splatted from behind three seconds later. For most of the second half of the battle, they were starting to push onto our base, but, refusing to get spawn camped again, we pushed past them onto their side, and we won by two percent. I three-way tied for #1 Overall Splatter with five splats. I don’t get this game. We were doing so terribly. How did we win?

I redeemed another food ticket and went back in. I never thought I’d be saying this, but please give me Brinewater Springs. Then the game said, “No. You will play on Barnacle and Dime forever, and you are going to like it.” Again, there was an E-Liter on our side, and their name was Japanese, so they must be good. The Splatana Wiper on the other team died in the first 15 seconds. Even better. I decided to stick around home base and cover it up, but X3Blank the Octobrush had other ideas. I was trying to cover up the right side as well as I could when they snuck up behind me with their Zipcaster and slapped me, and don’t get me started with the Ultra Stamps. Early on in the battle, I shot at The IRS from the front as they came at me with their Ultra Stamp. We traded off. Not everyone can say they sacrificed their life to defeat The IRS. Anyway, there were two Ultra Stamps on our base. I splat one. My teammate gets the other. We should be good, right? That’s when we see another Ultra Stamp further up ahead. There’s no way one of them could have possibly respawned, gotten over here with their special ready, and started up another Ultra Stamp that quickly! As it turns out, there were two Sploosh-O-Matics on the enemy team, making for three Ultra Stamps. We made it off of home base a little, but we still lost by 22 percent, and everyone else on my team tied for #1 Overall Splatter except for me.

What do I think of this weapon? Results inconclusive, too many spawn campers. I didn’t even get to use my Reefslider once. I’ll just have to put it in the dumping ground of weapons that I say I’ll get to one star if I need an extra license and never do. At the very least, I got two levels in my catalog, so I got a pack of cards and a neat hat.

June 6: In case you don’t remember, in April, I was interrupted during Salmon Run by a phone call from a local police department asking for help in doing a background check on my brother for a job. Well, it’s my pleasure to announce that he got the job, so that 20-point pay cut was worth it. Anyway, today is Too Many Trizookas, and we’re about to get STUPID!

The first battle was on Museum d’Alfonsino. My team had two Clash Blasters, a Splattershot, and a Carbon Roller Deco. The other team had all Hero Shots and Splattershots, so they’re already more coordinated than us. Now, they said that the special meter would quickly fill by itself, and the meter…it fills pretty quickly. The other team got the tower first, but that doesn’t matter because I’VE GOT MY TRIZOOKA. They got down to 52 before we took the tower back. Then there was this huge power struggle in the middle. We were making our way to their side. I was getting, like, so many assists. However, the enemy team got the tower, and they took it home. I got splatted by a Trizooka again, which is so interesting! Who would’ve thought that would happen? They knocked us out in three minutes and three seconds, but these don’t count towards our rank points, so it’s all good. I got seven Trizookas and #1 Splat Assister.

The second battle was on Museum d’Alfonsino. I was the only Clash Blaster on a team of Splattershots, and the enemy team had the first Squeezer of the day. In the last battle, the orange team won. Now I’m on the orange team, so I’m going to win. The other team had the tower first, and they took it to 52 or something, mainly thanks to Junsang’s excellent aim. We took the tower back and went on our way. This time, however, I didn’t get a lot of assists. It was all direct splats, baby! The furthest we got was 22 before the enemy team took the tower back in the last minute. We were able to get it again with 35 seconds. All we gotta do is keep the tower for 35 seconds, right? Well, then the enemy team took the tower again. We had to get it back before they took it into overtime. And we did. We won by 27 points, and I got 12 Trizookas. The two people on the right fist-bumped. God, I wish that were me.

The third battle was on Humpback Jump Hack. I’ve never played Tower Control on this stage, which in itself is a hump to get over. For example, how was I supposed to know there was an Inkrail leading straight to the tower? We had the tower first. I saw a suction bomb on the tower and decided to get off. Then I got splatted by a Trizooka. The enemy team took the tower next, and they took the lead. Then we got it back and rode it into the goal. We got a knockout in two minutes and 34 seconds, and I got ten splats to four times splatted. I somehow got #1 Trizooka User despite having seven Trizookas and Stewkip having eight. Also, I was on the orange team again.

The fourth battle was on Museum d’Alfonsino, and I was matched up with Stewkip again. Pearl, the weak link of our team, was on the enemy team now. Like, how do you get 77 points and one assist in two and a half minutes with the Hero Shot? Back to this battle. My team had the first Tenta Sorella Brella of the day. This battle was an even fight. They took the tower. We took the tower. Someone on the enemy team disconnected. Guess we’ll win. Despite the disconnect, the remaining three people still put up a fight. It was slow going, but we still knocked them out in three minutes and 12 seconds, and I got ten splats to five times splatted and eight Trizookas. Also, I was on the orange team again.

The fifth battle was on Humpback Pump Track. This time, I was against the orange team, but this was a different shade, so maybe they’ll lose. I should have known this battle would go sour when I got on the tower, hid in the ink thinking “They’ll never get me here,” and then got splatted by a Trizooka. They got it down to somewhere around 64 before we took it back. Then one of our teammates disconnected. Guess we’ll lose. Then one of the opponents disconnected. Guess we’ll…play a fair game? I don’t know. It was a struggle. While I was getting insane splats, the tower was constantly changing hands. I even got a solo wipeout. Sure, there were only three people, but I say it counts. Then I stopped real quick to clip it. We got down to 18, but then the enemy team got the tower. That’s when overtime began. Apparently, the enemy team has the ability to save all their Trizookas for the end because they were blasting them all right now. No matter what angle I took, I couldn’t get on top. I watched their points tick down, my confidence in our ability to win slipping away and my anger if we lost this increasing. Finally, after 31 seconds of overtime, as I was running from our spawn again, I got the message that we took the tower. Game over. We won by one point, so the orange team wins every time except for now. What can I say? I asked for a fair game, and I got one. I got 19 splats, which must be a personal record, to 15 times splatted and 11 Trizookas.

I got four wins and one loss, which is pretty awesome. My challenge power is 1284.5, so I’m probably going to be in the bottom 50% again. The important part is if you want to get good with the Trizooka, here you go.

June 8: Today is Turf War day, and I’m going to be testing the Big Swig Roller Express, or as I’ve been calling it, the Bigger Swig Roller. I haven’t used the original in six months. This can mean only good things.

The first battle was on Um’ami Ruins. The battle started like any battle with the Big Swig would go: rolling around home base making sure it’s covered so we have a strong foundation. hi the Inkbrush Nouveau seemed to have that covered, though, so I went to that landing to the left to see if I can do anything. I saw someone get splatted on the ledge above me. There must be someone causing trouble. I think I’ll take care of them. As it turns out, it was scottyboo, the Carbon Roller who was more interested in ambushing people instead of facing them like a man. I was able to make it to the middle, got my Ink Storm out, and then thought, “Which button is it again?” and I died. Then the enemy team started waiting to splat us. There isn’t a good path to flank to the right, and there was usually someone waiting at the left, and might I remind you that there was a REEF-LUX and a Tentatek Splattershot. The Missiles and Inkstrikes weren’t that intense, though. I even splatted the Tentatek twice, and that’s it. We lost by 34 percent.

Well, now that I know which button I need to press for Ink Storm, time to go again. The second battle was on Wahoo World, and scottyboo was on my team. I started the way a good Big Swig should start: covering home base so we have a strong foundation–That’s a Tenta Missile. So I might have swum to the center and put myself directly in the path of a Splatana Wiper, and let me tell you. None of us were prepared for im leaving the Splatana Wiper to splatana wipe the floor with us. The first half was strenuous. The enemy team was right at the edge of our base, im leaving leading the charge. However, I was able to find a hole in their defenses and just roll past them. I was making decent leeway on their base, and my teammates were splatting them. However, I had to return to home base when I saw hi, who had switched to a Carbon Roller, trying to roll to our side, and I had to destroy them. I don’t care what obstacles stood in my way. We were this close to winning, and I wasn’t going to let it slip away. Once they were out of my reach, I decided to content myself with covering up their progress, but then they got splatted by the one and only scottyboop. Sadly, we still lost by two percent, but I got 1202 points, which must be the most I’ve gotten with a roller, four splats to three times splatted, and I figured out how to use Ink Storm.

The third battle was on Wahoo World. Scottyboo was gone, and im leaving was still on the enemy team. However, I had an unexpected ally in Omega the REEF-LUX because if you’re losing, there’s nothing a few missiles can’t solve. We were able to make quick work of our home base before reaching the center. Then I decided to run along the top of that rotating wall into enemy base and I just kept rolling further and further onto their base. Everyone who got close to me died. I must have a guardian angel on my team. Then im leaving showed up and splatted me. That’s when I noticed we completely ignored the left side. I got it covered, had my Ink Storm ready, went to throw it at the center, and it landed on the rotating floor right before the center. Whoops. As the battle progressed, it got harder to find spots where I could safely roll without the threat of instant death. There was one point where I was directly at the end of someone’s charger and just had to jump to the floor to get out of the way. Then it was back on enemy base for me. I mashed a few times before the game ended. We won by 26 percent, and I got 1207 points.

So there’s the secret to playing Big Swig, kids. You just gotta learn to stop worrying and love the roll. I haven’t realized until now that the Ink Storm is actually a good special. It’s almost like sending someone with a low-damage Splash-O-Matic to ink over there while you ink over here. It doesn’t get a lot of splats, but I’ll take what I can get. The problem is I have so many weapons I like. There’s the Inkbrush and the N-Zap and the Mini Splatling, and now the Bigger Swig. I don’t know when I’ll be able to play them all.

June 9: The Big Run starts this evening, so I figured I’d get some practice on Hydroplant. These aren’t weapons I would have chosen, but I’ll have to deal with it.

The first wave, I had the N-Zap on normal tide, so I get to deal with it. The first boss was a Scrapper that was already stunned by the time I found it, but it took quite a while to actually splat it. The next boss was a Steelhead in that canal where I can just stand right next to its head and splat it without getting hurt. Then we had two more come in: a Stinger that hardly stood a chance, and a Steelhead that lasted a bit longer. It was in the same canal, but I sort of fell while trying to hit it, and then I ran away because I was right in front of it and beat this Flipper-Flopper just because it’s easier. The second wave, I had the Octobrush on low tide, and the lights are going down. The basket is in its low tide spot, so it’s probably going to be Cohocks–wait a minute, Mothership on low tide? I’ve never seen that. I have a brush on Mothership at low tide on Gone Fission Hydroplant. My last time playing Mothership with a brush was a disaster. I tend to lose in Gone Fission Hydroplant on low tide. These are both trends that were absolutely broken with this wave. We were unstoppable, popping eggs in the basket nonstop, and I don’t think the Mothership even touched the basket because my teammates were so on top of it. I, however, was busy running around chasing whatever Chinook was just landing in. We got 35 eggs in this wave alone. If we had a few more seconds, we would have tripled our quota. The third wave, I had the Sloshing Machine on high tide, and the N-Zap is already down. First boss in was a Steelhead. Just great, but the cool thing about Sloshers is they can hit targets above you. Then came the Flyfish. Oh, boy, the Flyfish. I had the Booyah Bomb. It was just a matter of getting far away enough so that it doesn’t just fly over its head. After nearly dying to about five things, I get to a corner adjacent to the Flyfish. I throw my Booyah Bomb. I still miss. Also, there’s another Flyfish right next to me and a Stinger trying to skewer me. The Stinger was gone before it was too much of a problem. The Flyfish was not. Pretty soon, I was the only one left. Then I was gone. However, the Octobrush was alive. Okay, now they’re gone. We were wiped out with 15 eggs out of 15.

We had met our quota. And that Mothership round was so good. I can’t believe we lost. We all go in again. The first wave, I had the Octobrush on normal tide. This was a decent wave. We weren’t getting whooped, but it wasn’t a complete wash, either. There was a Flyfish in this wave, but I didn’t have the Booyah Bomb, but I was really wishing I had the Booyah Bomb especially since all my regular bombs missed. The second wave, I had the Sloshing Machine on normal tide. First Scrapper of the wave, gone, but there was a Slammin’ Lid next to it spawning Chums onto my face. I tried backing up while attacking them, but as it turns out, Chums move forward faster than you move backward. They got me in a corner and splatted me. Luckily, two of my teammates were there to revive me, and the Slammin’ Lid was gone, so we got those eggs to the basket while wondering what the fourth person was doing without us. This wave was also completable. In the third wave, I had the Snipewriter on normal tide, and is it getting dark in here, or is it just me? It took me a second to realize there was a Goldie that needed seeking. I did not find it immediately, especially since tap shots don’t open the gushers. Of course my teammates find it across the stage. I unloaded five shots on it before it ran away. I decided to put whatever eggs it dropped in the basket as my teammates moved on to the next gusher. Basically, the Goldie was wherever I wasn’t, and whenever it was found, I just had to tear across the stage. Nevertheless, we made it out with 58 eggs out of 40.

I got my flight attendant hat and left. I’d have to save my energy for Big Run. Hopefully, I won’t get the Snipewriter.

Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back next week for even more Splatoon craziness, including the Undertow Spillway Big Run.

Listen on my YouTube channel! https://youtu.be/TA_5yaJZmN4