Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even DOUBLE REEFSLIDER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.
June 24: I might have missed playing in the single random weapon rotation yesterday, but I don’t today. Will I be able to make it into Profreshional with a Squeezer, a Flingza, a Stamper, and a random weapon? Probably not. Let’s try it.
The first wave, I had the Flingza at low tide, and it was Cohock Charge. I always go to the first cannon I see and stay in long enough to beat one boss because before long, I’m going to get targeted by a Maws or a Flyfish. So I beat one Flipper-Flopper that was right there and move on. There was a Flyfish blocking the way to the rest of the paths, and not even the Flingza can fling that high. We had to tiptoe around it for a long time before we finally beat it. The second wave, I had the Splatana Stamper on low tide, and it was just a regular low tide this time. What was less regular, though, were these two Steelheads coming in. The Stamper should have the range to beat this thing, right? The answer is no, and we had to scatter with each bomb. We beat the Steelheads to find that there were not one but two Big Shots bringing in cannonballs. I tried to take them out, but I had to swim away when I saw the Flyfish missiles coming in, and yes, there were two Flyfish. I got Flyfished to death, and I just had to make my way back to everyone else to get revived. There was one player left. They got the other two people revived, and I feel like they either kept missing me or just forgot. I stayed alive just long enough to beat one of those Big Shots, but then I got killed again, and we were wiped out with six eggs out of 14.
So I’m not getting that promotion today, but there’s no shame in trying again. The first wave, I had the Squeezer at high tide because this game never lets up. The first boss was a Scrapper, and I thought “Tap shots do more damage. I should tap shot it.” I had stunned it and was working my way to the back when all these Lessers came at me, and it was a tight squeeze, so I had nowhere to go. So I was dead, and I had to make my way to the basket to get revived, and it didn’t help that there was already a Maws there. We beat the Maws, get the eggs in. Scrapper comes in, we beat that. We were on easy street. Despite being high tide, we made it out. The second wave, I had the Grizzco Brella. Um, okay. And it was normal tide. Thank God. The first boss was a Flyfish, and the moment I saw it, I thought, “Don’t mind if I do” and threw a Booyah Bomb. We got the eggs in, and here comes another Flyfish. Was I really going to use both my specials in one wave? I decided to do it the old-fashioned way. However, I missed, and then I saw another Flyfish, and I was out of ink. I wish I could tell you the exact moment things went downhill. I just remember being the last player left with one egg below quota, and I was running back to revive people when I up and died. I thought, “Welp, that’s it,” but then I noticed that someone else had been revived. I must have revived them by accident. We were all up again, and we shoved as many eggs in the basket as we could. After that wave, we needed a break. The third wave, I had the Flingza Roller, and it was low tide. I was praying to God that it was Giant Tornado, and it was. I made it to the crate first, but the Flingza isn’t the fastest, and there were also Lessers annoying me. My teammates eventually showed up. We broke the crate with the power of teamwork, and we were all set except for, you know, the Lessers being dropped from the sky. RazelDazel would stay by the basket throwing eggs, and the rest of us would pick them up and take them to the basket. Needless to say, we made it out with 63 eggs out of 43.
Honestly, I’m just glad I was able to survive the third wave for once. They shouldn’t double your egg count in Giant Tornado because it really is too easy.
June 25: Today is the Monthly Challenge, which means…I need to play Splat Zones? And be better than other people? I’m not sure if I can do both, especially with the Big Swig Roller Express, a weapon I’ve only used for two days, but I’ve been getting my practice with the vertical swing. Let’s see if I can do this.
The first battle was on Scorch Gorge. I was with Ketchup and AAAAAAAHHH, and you know what, that’s how I was feeling running into that zone swinging everywhere. I practiced my vertical swings on the moving dummies in the training room, but apparently, the players move faster, and sometimes, I wouldn’t get the timing with the jump and then the fling right, so I end up doing a horizontal fling and not getting anyone. Then I died, but I still got the assist. I also might have gotten a little preoccupied with splatting people. I’m the support roller, for gosh sakes. I need to roll. I mean, that Aerospray who keeps killing everyone? Not my problem. That is, until they shoot me and die. I understand that I’m not talking much about the actual battle. That’s because we lost. We were knocked out in two minutes and eight seconds, and I got three splats.
The second battle was on Eeltail Alley, and the other team had a charger. This would be my first true challenge. My first task would be to roll around the edges behind those barriers so that the filthy casuals in the middle couldn’t get me. It didn’t make me die any less, and we didn’t get control first, either. In fact, they were doing pretty good. I don’t know how many people the charger killed, but they were doing a good job at scaring us away from the zone. Then, uh, they disconnected. I didn’t want this to be how we won, but the enemy team couldn’t their footing back after that. We won in two minutes and 12 seconds, and I got four splats. A new record!
The third battle was on Scorch Gorge, and we had to deal with a Tentatek Splattershot, a Neo Splash-O-Matic, and a regular Big Swig, which was just insulting. That Big Swig got 10 splats, which has me jealous both in a “I hate you” way and a “teach me your ways” kinda way. Or maybe it’s a kit thing ‘cause they had the Ink Vac. Anyway, this was the kind of battle that makes you not want to play Splat Zones. Your teammates are dying, you’re underestimating the blast radius of suction bombs, and the Neo Splash and the Tentatek have teamed up to create the feared Sextuple Inkstrike, and they also apparently decided to draw out the suffering because they knocked us out in two minutes and 51 seconds. I got three splats.
The fourth battle was on Eeltail Alley, and is three rollers a good team comp? Two of us are Krakens, so it must be good. It was the other type of battle that makes you not want to play Splat Zones. It wasn’t the whole team that was stacked. It was just Pokofire the Luna Blaster Neo who thinks that spawn camping is moral and ethical, which it’s not. I might have splatted them once. I got one splat. That’s all I could do. I don’t think we had control once. I wanted to splat Cheese Bag the REEF-LUX before they could launch their Tenta Missiles again, but then the game ended. We got knocked out in a minute and 23 seconds, and as previously mentioned, I got one splat.
The fifth battle was on Eeltail Alley. We’ve got a brush, a Splatana, and a roller. Three melee weapons? I don’t see why not, and the enemy team has a Dynamo. Fun. After we got wiped out in 20 seconds, I knew this would be another one-sided beatdown just like the other ones. They got their counter down to 24 when we wiped them out. I covered the edges of the stage just outside the zone to get my Ink Storm ready for a little bit more oomph. Now, we had control, and we weren’t about to let it go. I decided this would be the time to inch onto enemy base. I splat one person. I splat another. I see a scary Aerospray coming towards me and turn around. The Bloblobber had made it onto the zone. Then everyone else came in, and we lost control at 28. Four points. You know, you can knock us out right now. I don’t mind. Just as I thought that the enemy team was finally going to do us in, we got control back, and we ran with it. I don’t remember seeing any of the opponents on the zone after that. I might have tried going onto enemy base again and then got scared and ran away. After four agonizing minutes and six very stupid seconds, we won. I love Splat Zones. Except when I’m playing Splat Zones. Then I hate Splat Zones–wait, when did I get nine splats? Three of them might have been assists, and I might have gotten splatted eight times, but if I didn’t count assists, I’d get nowhere.
Right now, my splat count is at 26, which is way better than Friday when it was six. Maybe I should raise the ceiling, try for 200. Eh, I’ll just try for 100 for now.
June 26: Now that the challenge is over, we can get back to Turf War with my trusty Big Swig. I sure hope my day isn’t ruined by chargers or spawn campers or anything like that.
The first battle was on Mahi-Mahi Resort because of course, and the other team had two chargers because of course. I was able to get home base covered when I saw Abcd5675 the Aerospray charging onto our base. I guess I’ll just have to step in and–REEFSLIDER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. This battle was brutal. The Aerospray and the Splattershot Pro were the ones leading in splats, not the chargers, amazingly, but Glitch the Z+F charger was still perched on that high platform sniping people. The Goo Tuber at least wasn’t doing much. I just saw them standing there, and I thought, “Haha, free splat,” but then the Z+F got me. Welp. In the second half, we had a little bit of hope since we could grab the outer edges easily, but that was all the hope we got. A little. We still lost by 20 percent, and I got two splats.
That lobby was lame. Let’s join another one. The second battle was on Mahi-Mahi Resort. Both sides had a Painbrush, so this should be a pretty even battle, I thought before Edgar the enemy team’s Painbrush showed up on our side. I swear, if I have to deal with spawn campers two battles in a row, I will eat my Big Swig Roller. Luckily, my teammates got them in time, and I could happily roll around the center until I just ran out of center to cover. This is weird. I guess I’ll just roll onto enemy base, throw my Ink Storm, and die, but my teammates were still there for me to super-jump back. Then we had a disconnect with 49 seconds left. Well, the miracle can’t last forever. However, we weren’t losing our lead. It would be really cool if we could win a 3v4, but then two people on the enemy team disconnected, so it was a 3v2 instead. We won by, get this, 54 percent, and I got four splats. This was probably the second weirdest Turf War I’ve ever played.
The third battle was on Hammerhead Bridge. I thought we were good with three shooters, but why do they have to have three Aerosprays. I got done rolling on home base, threw my Ink Storm, and then I turn around. One Aerospray and the Splatana Wiper Deco are right there. My reaction time is suffering right now. So I respawn, and I’m just gonna go down the middle and–DOUBLE REEFSLIDER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. That’s right, we’re doing this again, and it was somehow even more bottlenecky than Mahi-Mahi Resort. It took me a while to get around them, and I did. Sure, they were throwing themselves at our base with no respect for human rights, but victory will not be found on home base. It will be found in the center where the enemies are not. And then I died. We lost by 24 percent, but I got 1083 points and two splats.
Which puts me at 34. For some reason, I was way slower at reacting to enemies firing at me than usual. I was happy to just keep rolling along. Maybe I thought I still had Inkbrush speed? I dunno.
June 27: Today, my journey to Profreshional continues. Will I be able to make it with a Bamboozler? Probably not. Let’s go anyway.
The first wave, I had the Explosher at low tide, and it was a Cohock Charge round. While I was hoping for Giant Tornado, Cohock Charge would give me more chances to be a Flyfish killer. However, I was going to start in the cannons and try to kill a boss from afar. Finally, I was able to find a Big Shot amidst the Cohocks. I kept trying to hit it while keeping an eye on it. I thought I had lost it, but as it turns out, it was a pile of eggs now. Time for step 2: get those eggs in the basket. I swim out, get maybe one egg in the cannon, and in comes a Steelhead. I try to kill it right away and fail, so I just decide to swim away. Then I get cornered by Cohocks and pushed into the water, and I have to watch as a second Big Shot comes in. Then, I don’t know what happened. Somehow, both the Big Shot and the Steelhead were obliterated at the same time, and I was revived. Must have been a cannon. Then I got the eggs in the cannon, swam to the basket, got the eggs in the basket, and we won. The second wave, I had the Luna Blaster on normal tide. I found out quickly that as much damage as it has, it doesn’t have the range. I can blow up Scrappers point blank, but path making is not a strong point, especially when you’ve decided to circle the perimeter of the stage looking for the person who needs reviving. Actually, I don’t know why I’m surprised. I use the Clash Blaster all the time. This is just the Clash Blaster but with more damage and less speed. The third wave, I had the Bamboozler on normal tide. How am I supposed to recover turf with this dinky thing? You know that I permanently put myself on tap-shot mode. It can beat this Stinger. It can do anything. Except ink turf, but that’s beside the point. We made it out alive with 57 eggs out of 37.
That was good. Let’s go in again. The first wave, I had the Dark Tetra Dualies on normal tide. My most manageable weapon in the rotation and the most manageable mode. Should be doable. I did not take into account the Flyfish and my lack of skill in throwing bombs at them. You know what, I should instead focus on the Fish Stick that’s right here. And then I fall off. I try bombing the Flyfish again, I miss. I decide to swim up the Fish Stick, and as I swim up, I look at the sky, and from the amount of missiles, I can figure out one thing: there are two Flyfish. Anyway, I beat the Fish Stick. I throw an egg down. Then I get bombed by the Flyfish. There’s one player left, and I don’t know where they are. We get wiped out with NOTHING.
I am literally this close to leveling up in the catalog. Even if I only clear one wave, even if I only get one egg, I need to try again. The first wave, I had the Luna Blaster at low tide. Slightly less manageable, but okay. The first boss was a Scrapper. We beat it. That’s the easy part. The hard part is the Stinger, the Drizzler, the Fish Stick, and–you guessed it–the Flyfish. It was nearly impossible to move, much less beat bosses and get eggs. Frijoles is the only one who got any boss kills. We timed out of the first wave with seven eggs out of 12, and what’s worse, my catalog meter didn’t even care about those seven eggs.
You know why we only beat the first round? There were no Flyfish. Not a one. Flyfish need to be fired. They’re only causing problems.
June 29: So I might have missed the fog challenge, but that’s because I was assembling the dresser for my apartment. Besides, do you really think I want to play Turf War in the fog? On Hammerhead Bridge? With the Big Swig Roller Express? No thanks.
Actually, I’m not playing today either. This move is taking up too much of my time. With the exception of Eggstra Work, I’m just gonna stop playing Splatoon until I’m in my new apartment. On July 11, once I’m settled in, I’m going to make a mini Splat Grind with just Eggstra Work and the Tower Control duo challenge. For now, though, that’s it. Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back the week after next, I guess, for even more Splatoon craziness, including Eggstra Work and the Tower Control duos challenge.
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