The Splat Grind--6/16

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even forgetting that I’m playing Rainmaker. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.

June 9 at closer to 8 pm than 7: The sky is red. The run is big. Wahoo World went terribly. Inkblot Art Academy went a little too great because I made it to Overachiever without even wanting to. My goal for Undertow Spillway is to make it to Profreshional. Let’s go.

My first wave, I notice that I have a charger and immediately think “Is that a Grizzco Charger?” Nope. It’s the Goo Tuber. So the first boss to come in was a Steelhead, and as the Charger, I should be able to do this, and there’s a Grizzco Charger on the team, so we should be able to do this. We let it get away with throwing three bombs before we finally beat it. About thirty seconds passed before we got any eggs in the basket, and I was not going to lose in the first wave with zero eggs out of our namby pamby quota of nine. The real challenge is the Flyfish. It’s always the Flyfish. I don’t have any explosive specials, so I have to resort to throwing plain old regular bombs. Apparently, you can hold R to aim where your bomb is going, so I was just waiting for it to open its compartments like, “I’m ready when you are.” I was able to get 14 eggs with a Goo Tuber. The second wave, I had the Grizzco Charger, and I forgot that this thing makes your Switch vibrate an insane amount. I was worried it was going to fall apart. It’s also a lot less ink efficient than I remembered. I was trying to shoot at a Scrapper, and nothing was happening, and then guess what happened: a Flyfish on the left. A Flyfish on the right. Dodging all the Flyfish all day and night. We took them all down in time, though. The third wave, I had the Splattershot. This should be manageable. My first challenge was trying to splat a Scrapper that was next to the water while Lessers were coming out right next to it. Long story short, I fell in the water. After that was gone, I spotted a Big Shot in the other corner on its way out. I fired at it as much as I could, and I splatted it at probably the last possible frame that I could. I was practically touching the gusher trying to get those eggs, and I’m not sure if the cannon is pointing in the right direction. Also, there’s the Slammin’ Lid in the way, so I’m kind of stuck. Nevertheless, I made it out with 48 eggs out of 31.

Big Run so far is going okay. Let’s go again. I started with the Aerospray. Aw yeah. The first boss out was a Steel Eel. I slip to the back of it and splat it. We get a second Steel Eel. We splat that as well. We’re getting all these eggs in the basket when–is that a third Steel Eel?! That was the only interesting thing that happened during this wave. I might have also been bonked into the water trying to beat another Scrapper. The second wave, I had the Grizzco Charger, and the lights were going down. This is probably going to be Undertow Grillway in a few seconds. Actually, it was Mothership. Again. And it was just as easy as it was this morning. I saw someone Booyah Bomb the Mothership, and I thought, “Why didn’t I think of that?” That’s why I Triple Inkstriked it the second time it came in. We doubled our quota like it was no big deal and moved on to wave 3. I had the Grizzco Charger on normal tide, and for some reason, the game decided to drop all the bosses right at the beginning. I fall in the water once, and I find that there are two Maws, a Flyfish, a Drizzler, and a Fish Stick already on the stage, and we still had 80 seconds left. Simotonin was able to Booyah Bomb me back to life, but none of us survived for much longer after that. We were wiped out with zero eggs out of 13.

This is the SECOND TIME this has happened today, where I have an awesome Mothership round in wave 2 and then get wiped out in wave 3, making my hard work completely meaningless. So far, my journey to Profreshional is going eh.

June 10 at 7 am: I woke up 20 minutes ago. Let’s play Big Run.

The first wave, they launched us into the corner. That means it’s high tide, baby, and I have the Explosher. The first boss in was a Steelhead. You’d think that I, as the Explosher, would have an easy time splatting a Steelhead, but I couldn’t seem to land a hit on it. We were able to beat it, and then the Flyfish came in. This was my time to shine, but we had to get these eggs to the basket. I go to get one and then get nuked by the Flyfish. Tae Booyah Bombed me back to life, and I was on my way. The Flyfish was down, so I couldn’t exactly kill it anymore. We had nine eggs. Tae had the tenth. We were having a hard time beating this other Steelhead, and Tae just wasn’t getting this egg in the basket. I was violently sloshing at the Steelhead with one eye on the UI waiting for Tae to get this egg to the basket in case we couldn’t beat this Steelhead in time. They didn’t get the egg in the basket. We beat the Steelhead, but it was too late. We timed out in the first wave with nine eggs out of 10.

But I’m only down to Overachiever 40, so it’s not over yet. I go in again. The first wave, I had the Splat Roller on normal tide. The first boss was a Steel Eel. Mash it to death, get the eggs in the basket, easy. Then came a Steelhead, and I just tried mashing at it, wondering if it’s really the best idea to go against a Steelhead with a roller, but ovo Triple Inkstriked it to death, thus saving me. I was trying to get to the basket, but I got run over by another Steel Eel. There was only one player left. Then someone got revived. Then there was only one player left, and I had no idea where they were. It didn’t matter, though, because they were dead. We were wiped out in the first wave again with three eggs out of 10. I can’t believe that this wave was for all intents and purposes easier, and I died faster.

So that’s it. Big Run is over. I’m at Overachiever 20, and if I lose in the first wave again, I’m getting bumped to Go-Getter. My journey to Profreshional would just have to wait.

June 12: So Big Run is over, and for my massive high score of 48, I got just the regular statue. Were you expecting me to make waves with my level of skill? Today, we’re going back to Turf War, and today’s weapon is the H-3 Nozzlenose D. I know what you’re thinking, “Daphne, you hate the Nozzlenose. You once said that whoever invented the Nozzlenose should be fired.” While that’s still true, you expect me to pass up the pure defense kit? The Splash Wall and the most buffed special this entire season, the Mega Bubbler? No, sir. Or ma’am.

The first battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard. It took more than a few seconds to get used to the rhythm of the Nozzlenose, but I set about making sure our base was covered. Then two people disconnected. Then three. Then four. Then five. Then the connection is unstable. Then one or more people disconnected early in the game. Well, now we gotta find five new people with better internet connections.

The first battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard, as I was saying. I got started covering home base slowly but surely. I got my first special and popped the Mega Bubbler. I wanted to stay inside and use the shield as a shield, but there was no turf in range that wasn’t already blue and no opponents to fight, so I left. I got one head-on splat. That’s it. The rest was just my teammates. I was busy running around, getting splatted by the Dynamo Roller, spamming Booyah when Izzy didn’t even have a Booyah Bomb ready. Despite not really doing much for the team, I still won by 21 percent and got #1 Ground Traveler…that’s it.

The second battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard. This one started out okay. My teammates were busy splatting people. I decided that this was the perfect time to see what sort of magic I could do on enemy base. That’s when I was alerted of Captain E, the Custom Jet Squelcher who splats everyone from above like a coward. The enemy team pushed back, but in the last 30 second, Captain E was down, so I was immediately like, “The Jet Squelcher is down! Get to the middle! Go go go!” I also splatted Captain E with 11 seconds left, which made all the suffering worth it. We still lost by 16 percent, though. I got more turf. I got more splats. The main thing preventing my rise to glory in all honesty was Captain E.

Alright, I’ve gotten Sturgeon Shipyard twice now. You can give me Flounder Heights now. The game said, “Okay, you can have Flounder Heights, but we’re putting Captain E on the other team again, so have fun.” The enemy team started the charge onto our base. I tried to stop them, but I still can’t aim unless you’re Agent 3 squidbagging right in front of me. Then I’m like, “You asked for it, buddy.” I was able to sneak into the center because Captain E was at the tippy top guaranteed. I splat someone, and I’m like, “Yeah!” Then I get the notification. It was the wrong person. Captain E was right behind me. They splatted me. I also almost had some luck when I made it onto enemy base, pretty much ignoring my teammates. That’s when akitainu, who had switched to the H-3 Nozzlenose D since the last battle, no doubt because they were inspired by my marvelous gameplay. We had our silly little Nozzlenose firefight, and I got splatted. I was pretty much pinned to my base for the rest of the battle, especially by this Trizooka pointed right at my face. And if that’s not bad enough, one of my teammates disconnected with 10 seconds left. We lost by 38 percent. Again, I got more splats than last time, but your splat count means nothing to Captain E.

So what do I think of the H-3 Nozzlenose D? I had fun, but it’s still a bad gun. Heh, that rhymes.

June 13: Today’s Salmon Run rotation is Spawning Grounds with the Inkbrush, so no thank you. Instead, I’m going to play everyone’s favorite ranked mode: Rainmaker. This time, I’m using the N-Zap 89 because the Tacticooler is such a threatening special.

The first battle was on Um’ami Ruins. The problem is that I’ve never played Rainmaker on Um’ami Ruins. I just have to do what I know how to do: run up to the Rainmaker and just start shooting it. Then orange Bloblobber blobs came in from nowhere. That Bloblobber is so going to get it. I just need to find them first. The enemy team got the Rainmaker first, and I thought they were going to have a quick win judging by the way they waltzed to the checkpoint unobstructed. That’s when we started trying to inch our way back. It was actually easier than that. My teammates did a good job of pushing the Rainmaker forward. Somewhere in the middle of the battle, I engaged in a 1v3 shootout against the enemy team. It must have been 15 seconds of running around the center trying not to die when I realized, “Oh, I should be playing the game of Rainmaker. What’s the UI looking like? Okay, my teammates have the Rainmaker. I should help them out.” We got the Rainmaker to the checkpoint. Then I got splatted and had to watch as my killer popped their Crab Tank right next to the Rainmaker. I also watched them get smacked by an Ultra Stamp. Hahaha! I got distracted again fighting the enemies directly, so you bet it was a surprise when the game suddenly ended. Apparently, we knocked them out in four minutes and 35 seconds, and I got 1137 points and 12 splats to seven times splatted, so you call it, “Forgetting the objective,” but I call it, “supporting my teammates by keeping the ground painted.”

The second battle was on Um’ami Ruins, and it was the quickest game of Rainmaker in the world. The enemy team had the Rainmaker first. That’s when it takes a turn. All four of us converged on the person with the Rainmaker and wiped out the enemy team in 16 seconds. Then one of my teammates got the Rainmaker and just ran with it. They got it in the checkpoint. I figured I was most useful charging my special out of everyone’s way and then launching my Super Chump at enemy base for a little extra hurt. We knocked them out in 49 seconds, and I got four splats, all of them assists, to one time splatted. Finally, I’m on the team with the person who can get seven splats in less than a minute.

That battle was too short. Let’s do one more. The third battle was on Um’ami Ruins. You know how it goes. One teammate gets the Rainmaker and runs with it. They get it in the checkpoint. I charge my special and launch my Super Chump at enemy base for a little extra hurt. Then we get stopped at six. That’s because the enemy team has a deadly weapon in the form of larry butt. Yes, that is their name. They grabbed the Rainmaker and jumped off the map with it, so I initially thought they were bad, but then I got splatted by them again and again, and I realized they were really really good. Still, we had a massive lead. The only thing that could stop us from winning is if the enemy team got good in the middle of the game, and that never happens, right? The Rainmaker changed hands regularly, but every time they had the Rainmaker, they would push it a little bit more, and when they got to the checkpoint, I finally saw their other secret weapon, bunny the Squiffer, who would just stand by the checkpoint splatting everyone in sight with a faster charge time than I remember the Squiffer having. I knew if we were going to win, that Squiffer had to go, but I had to be out of their way, so I took the high ground and immediately lost sight of them as the entire enemy team turned into homogenous blue blobs. Instead, I did what I do best: jump into the action and splat someone. Then larry butt smacked me in the face one more time, and the person with the Rainmaker took it home. They knocked us out in three minutes and 37 seconds, but I still got nine splats to eight times splatted. A small margin, but still positive.

This is what happens if you go in for one more game. You lose.

June 15: Welcome to the Sheldon Sampler Challenge, where you can get stuck with literally any weapon, and you’ll just have to live with it. Watch me get E-Liter five times in a row.

The first battle was on Um’ami Ruins, and I had the Dapple Dualies Nouveau. I can work with this. We had the zones first, and we got our score down to 72 in a much faster time than I was expecting for a score of 72. Then they had the zone, and it just became a waiting game for us to find a weak spot in their defenses. That’s the problem with Um’ami Ruins is that not only does it have two zones, it’s also one of those stupid Tetris block stages, so the first zone the team happens upon is the right one. That means you only have to guard the zone to your opponent’s right, and you’ll be set. There’s no way someone’s going to, say, sneak around to the left, pop a Reefslider, and ruin your whole schtick, right? This time, we got our score down to 70. Then they took the zones back, and all we could do was push them into neutral after that. They knocked us out in three minutes and five seconds, but I got nine splats to eight times splatted. I got #1 Overall Splatter by a longshot, too.

The second battle was on Um’ami Ruins, and I had the Glooga Dualies. What is it with me and dualies, and why am I paired up with two chargers and a Dynamo? For a second, I thought we had a leg up because the Dynamo’s swings were so powerful that I could feel my Switch vibrate. Then I got splatted by the Nozzlenose and had to watch as they charged our base, and to make things worse, the Tri-Slosher was following them. It was no longer Splat Zones. It was now Splat These Two People. I threw my Booyah Bomb in the general direction of the center in a valiant effort to change the game somewhat. I was able to splat the Tri-Slosher from the back, but it was all for naught. We got knocked out in a minute and 24 seconds, and only one other person on my team got a splat because they were assisting me.

There’s no way I get put against these four people again, right? The third battle was on Um’ami Ruins, and I had the Goo Tuber. In fact, my team had three chargers. In the mode that’s dependent on inking turf, and I got the feeling that none of us really knew how to use a charger after we reached the zones and immediately started tap-shooting. I know sniping has never been useful in the history of Salmon Run, but this isn’t Salmon Run, and I need to snipe some people. Then I remember that I can’t aim. Tap shots it is, and boy did I tap shot. About two minutes into the battle, I sneak up on someone and just tap shot them to death. I must have done this at least four times. SplatNet is showing six splats total with one assist. One of them must have been from the Tenta Missiles. I refuse to believe I splatted FIVE people with tap shots. I guess tap shotting is a viable method of splatting. It’s a stupid method but a viable one nonetheless. We were knocked out in three minutes and 55 seconds, which is much longer than I was expecting with a team with three chargers.

The fourth battle was on Um’ami Ruins, and I had the Clash Blaster. Massive pog. I’ve never used it in Splat Zones, though. It was still easy to blast people in the face, and my teammates weren’t half bad, either. It got to the point where I was just looking for bare ground to turf just so I could get my Trizooka. Then I blasted at their side hoping any of those shots would hit. I missed, but the opponents were still dead. We knocked them out in a minute and 38 seconds, and I got nine splats to one time splatted?! Finally, I got a win in random weapons, and all I had to do was get a weapon I’m actually good at.

I never thought I’d be saying this, but please give me Inkblot Art Academy. Then the game said, “No. You’re doomed to play on Um’ami Ruins for all eternity, but we’ll give you a Rapid Blaster Pro Deco. As a treat.” It can’t be different than using a Rapid Blaster, right? It was slower than I’m used to, but I could also pop people’s faces from a further distance. It went just like the last battle. The enemy team couldn’t even touch the zone. The difference was that I couldn’t get my Killer Wail charged because not every weapon with Killer Wail has the turfing power of the Inkbrush. We got a knockout in a minute and 18 seconds, and I got three splats to two times splatted.

That’s three losses to two very quick wins. My challenge power is 1174. Hey, at least I broke 1000. If this challenge has taught me anything, it’s that I should stay far far away from chargers lest I kill five more people with tap shots.

June 16: Today is my Turf War day since I spent Thursday in a random-weapon warzone. I might have tried all the weapons I wanted to from Sizzle Season, but I have a few extra Sheldon licenses, and I’m gonna use them. Today I’m trying the Splash-O-Matic to see if it really is a more aggressive alternative to the N-Zap. I’ve chosen the Neo variant because I might not know how to use a Crab Tank, but I do know how to throw nukes.

The first battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard. The battle started out great initially. I got home base covered up real quick, and then I got on top of a platform level with the center so I can throw my Triple Inkstrike from a safe distance. It was when I tried going in that things started going downhill. I traded off with a Tri-Slosher Nouveau and had to watch as the Dapple Dualies Nouveau accompanying them just charged into center. Then it became a battle between the spawn campers and us. I tried going around, but then I saw one of my teammates dropped a Tacticooler, and I thought, “Sorry, but I gotta grab the center. I’ll get a drink later. I promise.” Then I saw the Ultra Stamp and thought maybe I should take care of that. I got splatted by the Ultra Stamp, and by the time I respawned, the Tacticooler was gone. I made it to enemy base, but it was then that I noticed one of my teammates disconnected. In that brief moment of disbelief, I got splatted by the Dapple Dualies. Now we really did need to survive. We were able to splat three people with 15 seconds left, and now we could go to the center to reclaim ourselves. Did our little team of three win? Absolutely not. We lost by 18 percent. I got 1027 points, though, so don’t say the Splash is a bad turfing weapon.

That one didn’t count. The second battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard. We had a good variety of weapons. An N-Zap, a Splash-O-Matic, a Tri-Slosher, an Octobrush–of course the other team has an E-Liter. Donovan, why are you just standing around? Anyway, we started off the battle with a three-way assault on the center: my Triple Inkstrike, age’s Super Chump, and messi’s Inkjet all at once. I think we splatted one person. Then I died and I had to watch the Custom Splattershot Jr. waltz onto our side. Here we go again. Another battle where the main objective was just to leave home base, which was hard to do with a Wave Breaker every 15 seconds and the Ultra Stamp marching around, and that’s a Kraken. In the last minute, we were able to break through. Were we able to win? The answer is still no. We lost by 11 percent, but at least I didn’t get splatted by that E-Liter at all.

The third battle was on Sturgeon Shipyard, and are we playing against gay wrongs? Enough laughing at the names. Let’s fight. I started by covering home base a little and then swimming out to the right and throwing my Triple Inkstrike into the center. I caught Aerocraft the Octobrush underneath the bridge…just standing there. Free splat, I guess. Then I walked across the grate, still firing for some reason, and made it out the other side. We made our first foray onto enemy base, and after a minute and 19 seconds, I finally splatted gay wrongs. And then I died. That’s when I decided I should really finish covering home base before SquidoWeeg ruined everything. This was one ornery Aerospray, let me tell you. They splatted me twice. That’s not normal for an Aerospray. They’re obviously up to something. At least I got to watch them die while I waited to respawn. Haha. They might have been able to Reefslider all over our stuff, but we still won by six percent, and I got seven splats to six times splatted.

What are my thoughts on the Splash-O-Matic? Well, it’s a good turfing weapon, that’s for sure, but the thing about its splatting power is that it has a really teeny tiny reticle that you can’t fire outside of, and it takes four hits to kill, maybe five if they’re far away. If you want to splat someone, you have to get them inside that teeny tiny reticle and keep them there. The N-Zap reticle at least lets you have more room to work with. N-Zap it is.

Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back next week for even more Splatoon craziness.

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