The Splat Grind--6/23

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even carrying three newbies. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.

June 17: Today is a Splat Zones day. I know that’s crazy, but I’m going to do it. I’m going to use the Aerospray MG because the available stages are Flounder Heights and Hammerhead Bridge, none of which have anything I can crash my Reefslider into…right?

The first battle was on Hammerhead Bridge. The battle definitely started. We got the zone and got it down to 70, but I don’t think any of us were prepared for Cuqii! the Splat Roller and their efficiency in covering the zone or nikuyukke who is way too good with the Hero Shot. They got the zone and took it down to 58. Then they decided to make it onto our side. I’d have to sneak around them and pop a Reefslider. That’s when I saw…the zone on Hammerhead Bridge has a box in the middle. I had to stop short and only cover a quarter of the zone. We had a glimmer of hope when one person on the enemy team disconnected. This could be our chance. However, it must have been the one bad player on the team because the other three were able to pick up the slack. They knocked us out in two minutes and 50 seconds.

That one didn’t count. I switched out the MG for the RG and went back in. This battle was on Hammerhead Bridge. Our team had two Splatlings, one Hydra and one Mini. We had the zone first, but we had to steer clear of Tobyw4n, the Explosher who had the range to fire at the zone without getting too close. If anyone was taking control from us, it was either them or DoubleA the Aerospray RG whose strategy is apparently sprinklers everywhere. Why even bother when I can break them in three shots? It was pretty cool when we used our Booyah Bombs at the same time. I don’t think we splatted each other or changed the course of the battle at all. Anyway, we had the zone and were getting close to zero. If we could just keep like this, we should be set–then we lost control with two points. Luckily, I was swimming in, and I almost had a Booyah Bomb ready. I just needed to survive long enough to get it. The three members of the yellow team gathered around me ready to splat me at a moment’s notice (three because there were two disconnects, leading to a 3v3). I was wondering why it wasn’t charging, but then I saw I was hitting R instead of down. I forgot that the Booyah and the Bomb were two separate buttons. Then I charged it up, slammed it at my feet, and won. We got a knockout in two minutes and 43 seconds, and I got six splats to four times splatted.

Let’s do one more. The third battle was on Hammerhead Bridge against Spingebill. That’s it. Their name’s Spingebill. Anyway, if you’re looking for stressful, look no further than this battle. First off, Spingebill was the top splatter on the enemy team. There was not a moment when I felt like we were good, whether it was Spingebill or Siclops releasing the Kraken or this Ultra Stamp circling around the zone or getting splatted from behind by the Tri-Stringer. My Booyah Bombs seemed to do nothing. However, we did get control at points, and so did they. They must have been leading 50-something to 10 when we had control back, and we were not going to back down. As the clock wound down, I began to wonder which would come first: would we get the knockout, or would the clock hit zero? Well, it was about 18 seconds left when we lost control at eight, giving us the lead but not the knockout. Then they took control, and I knew what was going to happen: they would push us into a long, excruciating overtime where they’d ultimately take the lead and win. Luckily, the overtime has a limit. We still won by two points.

I’m never playing Splat Zones again! Just kidding. Of course I’m going to play Splat Zones again.

June 19: For today’s Turf War, hear me out: Dapple Dualies Nouveau. As you might remember from last week, I got stuck with them during the Sheldon Sampler and then managed to get nine splats, no assists, baby, so I thought maybe I should try them again. Sheldon said I might find my new favorite weapon.

The first battle was on Hagglefish Market, and these are some weird names. Ghul? Frriizzz? Just a smiley face with a bunch of smiley faces next to it. The enemy team had some heavy hitters such as this Splash-Sploosh combo and catte the Inkbrush Nouveau who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space, but as an Inkbrush main, I guess I don’t, either. These weren’t exactly spawn campers. They kept a respectable distance except for the Sploosh who flattened three people with their Ultra Stamp on their way to our base. I saw them coming towards me and decided to get out of their way and let my teammates deal with them as they respawned. It was okay because there was a Crab Tank right here asking to get splatted from the back. Despite holding a strong defense for most of the battle, we were able to slip around them and win by three percent. So far, this is a great turfing weapon, but splatting-wise, that Splat Zones seems to be a fluke because I only have four.

On the results screen, I saw a message that said “Players waiting to join” which never happens because I’m a loner loser playing on my own. I change my shirt and keep going and see that DarkFire had decided to play with me. Let’s do this. The second battle was on Inkblot Art Academy, and DarkFire and I were on the same team, and why does the other team always have an E-Liter. Then one of our teammates disconnected right out of the gate. I decided to keep turfing because why not? And we were all kicked out. Apparently DarkFire got a splat in the 12 seconds we were playing, so they must be pretty good. Let’s go in again–one or more players disconnected? Okay.

The second battle, sans DarkFire, was on Inkblot Art Academy, and why is my team made solely of Splattershots and Jrs.? I swear, if the other team has an E-Liter–okay, they also have two Splattershots. Welcome back to Too Many Trizookas. The start was pretty good. One of my teammates has already fallen. I was keeping home base covered. Then I decide to ride my Reefslider into the center. I continue covering whatever I see, making my way to the landing on the right. I see shots coming from behind me. I turn around and see anti virus the Splattershot. I decide that maybe I can just splat them right now. Then they get their Trizooka and shoot me in the face. Yep. I check the map and notice that both teams have just gone straight for the center. If we were to secure this battle, we’d have to start targeting the sides. I slipped to the left and covered the left landing. I had my Reefslider ready and could ride it in. I ran to the right landing uninterrupted and covered it up, making me wonder if this really is a good team of Splattershots and Jrs. and this one random pair of Dapple Dualies. In the last minute, I tried to invade enemy base and then saw that the enemy team was headed to our side, so maybe that’s more important. I go back to our side, splat anti virus, splat this Luna Blaster over here. I see that the left landing was covered in teal again. There’s a Kraken Roller there. I try splatting them, but they release the Kraken and splat me with 10 seconds left. I watched as they Kraken’d into the water. Ha! The map was looking like we lost, but we won by five percent. Apparently, it wasn’t my teammates being good. It was me hard carrying. I got 1540 points and seven splats to two times splatted. Meanwhile, the next best inker got 501, and they all have the name Splatlandian Youth. I bet they’re all thinking, “Man, they must be an expert with those things,” and I’ll just have to be like, “I picked them up two seconds ago.”

After this battle, I saw another message that there were players waiting to join. Apparently, DarkFire had found me again. Let’s hope the internet is nicer to us. The third battle was on Hagglefish Market, and we were on different teams. However, I had SKZHyunjin, and they didn’t. This was originally a great battle. My team had two Dapple Dualies Nouveau, so blackbeltj and I could use our Reefsliders at the same time. I think we both crashed them, though. Still, we were getting down to business, covering both the sides and the center, getting splatted by StarieWolf the Painbrush, but Painbrushes are just like that. Then blackbeltj disconnected, and the whole battle went south. For one thing, the enemy team managed to wipe out the rest of us. Then they started camping us, not quite at the spawn, but you get the idea. We started pushing back in the last 10 seconds. If all three of us can stay alive, we might just win. Actually, we lost by eight percent, but that one doesn’t count because we were a person short. I got #1 Overall Splatter, #1 Enemy Splatter, and #1 Splat Assiter. That’s because I got five splats when Hyunjin got nothing.

My verdict: this is a god-tier weapon, and I’d like to keep using it, but I’d also like to keep using the Big Swig Roller Express, so I’ll have to make a decision. My next step in my Dapple Dualie journey: actually learning how to dodge-roll.

June 20: So Big Run didn’t go the way I wanted it to, so I’m pushing my journey to Profreshional to today. Am I really going to get promoted on Jammin’ Slammin’ Salmon? Probably not, but it’s worth a try.

Before I even hit the ground, I see that one of my teammates is named Stray kids. First SKZHyunjin and now this? The Stray Kids really want to play with me. The first wave, I have the Heavy Splatling on normal tide. Thank God it’s normal tide. I go out to the right and help beat this Drizzler. Then we go on our way to get the eggs in the basket. There’s a Maws coming up the same track as us. “I should be able to get out of its way and beat it,” I said before the second Maws showed up. Anyway, I got eaten and had to wait for my teammates to beat one of them before they could revive me. Then I beat the other Maws, and we went on our way. Moving on to wave 2. I had the Range Blaster on normal tide, and could you please turn off that organ music? It’s really annoying. What do you mean it’s a fog level? I can’t even tell you the last time I did a fog level. It started easy. Scrapper? Gone. Stinger? Gone. Goldie? Gone. Then I hear Big Shot noises coming from the other side of the stage, and I decided I should go there. I get on a high ledge to splat the two Big Shots coming in. I splat one before I get gotted by a Chum. Once I’m in my puny little life ring, I jump off the ledge so that I’m right next to the cannon when I get revived. Then I start popping eggs in there. Then I beat a Goldie that drops 10 eggs. Now it doesn’t matter how many times I need to die and get revived. I have to get these eggs in the cannon. I didn’t get them all in, but we still made quota. The third wave, I had the Splat Brella, and glowflies? Are you kidding me? Luckily, they didn’t come for me first. I think I was, like, third. I thought I could outrun them, but you can’t. We at least tried. Stray kids used both of their Killer Wails, but we were still wiped with three eggs out of 15.

We all decided to go in again. I started with the Heavy Splatling on low tide. The first boss was a Steel Eel on the right. I tried to run beside it to get to the back, but no matter where I went, its head was right next to me. My teammates were able to bail me out, though. Once we got the eggs in, I saw a Flyfish on the other side and decided that it doesn’t matter who you are. The Flyfish must go. The problem was I kept missing, no matter whether it was undershooting it or getting it too far to the left or right, and I had Killer Wail, so I couldn’t exactly Inkjet it to death like Ben was doing right now. I don’t think I was even egg-shuttler. I was just nothing-doer. The second wave, I had the Range Blaster on normal tide. First, I stunned a Scrapper point blank. Easy. Once the eggs were in the basket, I saw a Steelhead and a Flyfish in the same area. I decided to take the high ground, but that meant I’d have to bomb the Flyfish from the side, and Flyfish don’t take kindly to being bombed from the side. The Steelhead was gone, too, so all I could do was shuttle eggs, trudging through this Flipper-Flopper ring to get there, stranding it in the process, and of course there’s a Slammin’ Lid right next to the basket. In fact, more and more stuff kept gathering around the basket, making it harder and harder to stay alive. Finally, we were wiped with 10 eggs out of 13 and seven seconds on the clock. At least let us suffer for the next seven seconds.

Now it’s not just a test to see if I can make it to Profreshional. It’s a test to see if I can clear three waves on Jammin’ Slammin’ Salmon.

June 21: I didn’t play any actual Splatoon today, but I did see the Pikmin 4 Direct. How many food-themed Splatfests can they fit into one Splatoon 3? Only time will tell. This will be my first Splatfest in my new apartment, and I can’t wait to play. I might have failed Team Milk Chocolate, but I won’t fail Team Vanilla.

June 23: So I might have skipped the 22nd, but that’s because I was out shopping for Ikea furniture and didn’t have time, but we have time now. Now that we’re done testing out the new weapons, it’s time to take a deeper dive. A while back, JayMoji posted a video where he got 1,000 kills with the Splatana Wiper and actually got better the more that he used it. I know this sounds silly, but I had a realization, if I really want to get good with the Big Swig Roller Express, I just have to use it a lot. That’s why I’m going to use the Big Swig Express in every battle I play until I get 100 splats. Turf War, Ranked, you name it. I’m going to become a Big Swig main. The problem is the Big Swig is the ultimate support roller, so I’ll either be using this for a really long time, which is practice within itself, or I have to get really good at splatting people really fast.

Today is Turf War, and we’re starting on Hagglefish Market. What are we thinking about two Aerospray RGs and a Wiper Deco on my team? Are we gonna win with special spam? Anyway, three of us went down to the right. That’s where we encountered zai the Tri-Slosher Nouveau. I thought I could get ‘em with the ol’ Angle Shooter/swing combo, but I miss with the Angle Shooter, freak out, start swinging randomly, and die. Right now, I’m not at the skillfully crafted splats phase. I’m still in mash and pray, and it doesn’t help that they’re slowly pushing onto our base. KA-BLAM had us covered on Booyah Bombs, but nothing seemed to be working which sucks because we had the lead at the beginning. Why does this always happen? I managed to splat zai in the last three seconds with the tiniest bit of splash damage, but we lost by 33 percent, and I got three splats. As it turns out, zai was not the top splatter on the enemy team. That was calamity. I just never encountered them.

That was not peak Big Swig. Time for battle number 2 on Hagglefish Market. My team was less special-spammy this time. Remember how I said I never encountered calamity in the last battle? This was the opposite of that. I got splatted eight times, and at least six of them were calamity, and this time, they were accompanied by Ikeaworker the 52 Gal. Ikea must have gotten mad that I ordered a couch from Wayfair instead and sent one of their cronies to defeat me. If calamity splatted me six times, Ikeaworker got the other two. This enemy team stayed a bit further back from spawn, but I wasn’t leaving home base without dying. Despite my valiant efforts, we lost by 23 percent, and I got no splats. Curse you, Ikeaworker.

So I do what any self-respecting Splatoon player would do: quit the lobby and join another one. The third battle was on Undertow Spillway. I start out rolling around getting home base covered like us Big Swigs do, but then I see BRAH the Aerospray RG with no concept of personal space. Trying to splat them proved inefficient. I just had to let my teammates do it. There was perfectly good turf all the way over there. I rolled towards enemy base and saw someone firing and stuff. They’re too far for a horizontal fling, so I hear this voice in my head say, “Vertical fling.” I jump up, hit ZR, and I’m not sure how else to describe this. I snipe that person out of the air. I kid you not. They were in midair, in transit, and now they’re dead. I decide to keep rolling, and here comes the Kraken. This wasn’t a team of spawn campers. It was mostly just BRAH being obnoxious and everyone else super-jumping to them, I guess. With 30 seconds left, I had a realization. If they’re spawn-camping us, that means their base is unattended. I leave my teammates in the dust like a good support roller, start covering enemy base, and see how they like it. I was personally winning, but my team was still in the danger zone. Despite BRAH being a dirty spawn camper, we lost by only 14 percent, but I got 1387 points and three splats, which is ideal Big Swig gameplay, not a lot of splats but so much turf.

So that’s six splats total. Out of 100. Just as I suspected, this is gonna take a while.

Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back next week for even more Splatoon craziness.

Listen to it on YouTube! https://youtu.be/nexT6Rc66Is