The Splat Grind--6/2

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even the Painbrush’s ink consumption. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.

May 27: T-minus four days until the Painbrush drops. Today’s Salmon Run rotation has an E-Liter, so no thanks. I’m going to play some SplaZones instead. One of today’s stages is Inkblot Art Academy, so it’s better that I use the Aerospray RG so that I don’t ram my Reefslider into that stupid tower.

The first battle was on Inkblot Art Academy. The enemy team had the zone first, and they had it for a while. We kept trying to go down the middle and dying because the enemy team apparently thinks it’s Splat Enemy Bases and not Splat Zones. I had a little luck flanking and hitting them from behind, but I also had some not luck, especially when I swam up the tower and saw the rest of my team had died there, so I immediately jump off and land next to an Autobomb. That was my one oopsie of the day. It won’t happen again. I think they got down to 53 before we took the zone and ran with it. We got to 19, and then they took it back. As much as we tried, we were knocked out in three minutes and 54 seconds, but I got 1039 points. Why am I always put against people who get 16, 14, and 13 splats? At least the fourth person got one.

That one didn’t count. Let’s keep going. The second battle was on Inkblot Art Academy. We were against three Japanese players and clown. We were stuck in a stalemate for the first thirty seconds, but once the enemy team had the zone, it was over. The rest of my team was going down the middle and getting shot down. I tried flanking to the left with moderate success. I went to the right thinking, “Ha, my teammates don’t know about flanking.” Apparently, I don’t know about ambushes. They cleared us out in a minute and 29 seconds. I got #1 Overall Splatter with four splats, which made me wonder what my team was doing. (ahem) twices toe got two splats that were both assists, and ogyara got nothing. Ginger_bbg was the only other person who got direct kills.

Well, that series is over. I’m out of here. At least I’m at C now. This never would have happened on Manta Maria.

May 29: T-minus two days until the Painbrush drops, and I’m going to prepare with some good old-fashioned Inkbrush Turf War. The bad news it’s Scorch Gorge and Mincemeat Metalworks.

The first battle was on Mincemeat Metalworks against Ploinker. My team had a Luna Blaster and a Dynamo. I was still on home base 15 seconds in when I saw one of the opponents get splatted, and I was like “Aw, yeah.” I decided to get onto this truck to run into enemy base. I’ll just turn on my Killer Wail and–whoops, I’ve been splatted by a Range Blaster. Well, let’s try again. I was trying to get to enemy base when the Dynamo dropped a Tacticooler, and I was like, “Alright, fine. I’ll grab your soda.” That’s when I saw the Nova was getting onto our base. I was going around in circles trying to splat them close up until I got up against a wall, and they splatted me. It’s a good thing I had that soda, but also curse people who are actually good with the Nova. We lost by 13 percent, but I got 1018 points.

The only three of us sticking around were me, Ploinker, and Adolescent the Luna Blaster. After 69 seconds, the lobby dissolved. I went in again. The second battle was on Scorch Gorge against–who’da thunk–Ploinker and Adolescent. Ploinker only got three splats last time. Adolescent was the second best splatter on our team. Then I noticed they also had an Aerospray RG and a Flingza. Splatlandian Youth Player, don’t let me down. The enemy team was a group of four people who collectively decided “spawn camp,” and the worst part was they were actually good at it. I go to the left. I get splatted. I go to the right. I get splatted. I stay behind because maybe it’s a good idea to confront the spawn campers. I get splatted. I make it to the center. Someone follows me. I get splatted. I did manage to get two splats in a row while having a massive case of the shakes, but that’s about it. We lost by ouch percent, and I got 1015 points and #1 Overall Splatter with six splats. Tobias the Splatana Wiper got two splats that were both assists, and Player got nothing. TheDQ8s was the only other person getting kills. Player, I’m sorry your first battle had to be this way.

I quit the lobby and went into a different one. The third battle was on Mincemeat Metalworks with no one in the previous battle. It started out well. The Man got a Crab Tank 15 seconds in. otomatone and I were getting turf covered. Then I noticed that the other team had a charger: seepup the Z+F Charger. I thought I could outrun them, but twice, they were able to predict where I was going to go and snipe me anyway. The third time, I could see they had their crosshair in front of me, and I decided not to play their game. I turned around. I also notice that this kept happening a lot. I swing a few times. Low ink. I swing a few times. Low ink, especially when it mattered. Especially when there’s a Booyah Bomb about to land right in front of me. Miraculously, though, we were able to pull through in the last 30 seconds, and we won by eight percent. No one on the enemy team got more than four splats. Seepup got two. They both just so happened to be me.

So, like, when do we get the special that combats spawn campers?

May 30: T-minus one day until the Painbrush drops, and it’s time for some Salmon Run. It’s got Aerospray and Splattershot on Gone Fission, so it should be Salmon Fun. I start out with the Nozzlenose, which is not quite the ultimate Salmon Gun. It’s also Glowflies, so we’re Salmon Done. I have the kind of luck that gives me the glowflies first, so all I can do is back up slowly while firing at the angry Salmonids with my namby-pamby Nozzlenose. I jump off the ledge and get splatted by a second group of Salmonids? And might I remind you that there are already two other people dead, so there’s only one person left for the glowflies to go to, and they’re dead, too. We were wiped out in record time with zero eggs. This is what Glowflies does to people.

That’s enough pain and humiliation for one day. I’m gonna go play some Tableturf.

May 31: Normally, I don’t play Splatoon on Wednesday, but it’s Sizzle Season, baby. I’m gonna be on my Switch right at 7–Hold on, my shower’s giving me trouble. I’m gonna be on right at 7:10–oh, it’s still gotta download the data. I’m gonna be on right at 7:15–updating software? I was on right at 7:20. I’m gonna hold off on trying the new weapons for today. I’m just gonna to into Turf War with the Inkbrush Nouveau and see just how bad this Ultra Stamp nerf is. Watch me get Mahi-Mahi three times in a row.

The first battle, as you guessed, was on Mahi-Mahi Resort. There were two S-Blasts on the enemy team, and our side had a Wiper Deco, and one of the new songs was playing. Sizzle Season starts now. Time to come up with counters for 11 new weapons. One thing I notice pretty early on is that if you get really close to an S-Blast, they’ll have a hard time aiming at you. I couldn’t splat them because I died, but it was to someone else and not them, so the trick still somewhat works. I made several mistakes such as putting myself in front of the Tentatek and putting myself in front of the Flingza. The enemy team pushed back a little, but we still won by 12 percent. The two people on the right fist-bumped. God, I wish that were me, but #1 Ground Traveler is a silver medal, and I can’t stop running. I got the Ultra Stamp once, and honestly, the nerf is not that bad. I hardly noticed the difference. Also, let me show you some stats. I got one Ultra Stamp. Chayfoxy?? got one Ink Storm. C.R.E.B. got one Tenta Missiles. Then there’s DualBeetle carrying with five Booyah Bombs because the Aerospray grind never stops.

The second battle was on Barnacle and Dime. I was on a team with the legend DualBeetle and our new S-Blast friends, Amaya22 and Prime Beef, but the other team had Yoriichi the Tentatek Splattershot who had switched to the L-3 Nozzlenose and two people with Painbrush. Oh boy. So we got our first Booyah Bomb in 10 seconds. That’s good. I think the thing barring me from true victory is that I haven’t played on Barnacle and Dime before, so I don’t know all the nooks and crannies. I also grossly underestimated how much range the Painbrush has, especially in the hands of niwatori the insane Japanese player. This battle was alternating between getting forced onto our base and slowly making our way back and getting forced onto our base and slowly making our way back. I splatted a Crab Tank from the front and then died, but the important part is I splatted a Crab Tank from the front. The Inkbrush doesn’t have much range, but if you get right in their faces, there’s nothing they can do. Also, I sometimes forget L-3 Nozzlenose has Crab Tank. We were at the “forced onto our base” stage when the battle ended, and we lost by 24 percent. I’m not even mad because it shows that the Painbrush is a strong weapon, and it’ll be even stronger in my hands, but also, how do you get 12 splats with a weapon that came out an hour ago?

The third battle was on Barnacle and Dime. DualBeetle was on my team again, the Japanese players were gone, and Amaya22 was on the enemy team now with the Painbrush. They must have been converted. This battle had another one of the new songs, but that’s not important. We got our first Booyah Bomb in 10 seconds. This was essentially the opposite of the last battle. We were the ones on their base. I did this cool move where I activated my Ultra Stamp and then looped around to the center like “She’ll be coming around the corner when she comes. She’ll be BRINGING LOTS OF PAIN when she comes.” diamond the Custom Dualie Squelchers, bless their soul. I don’t think they knew what they were doing. I think they just stood there while I killed them. Seriously, the splats were real in this battle. We won by 29 percent, and I got seven splats to five times splatted.

So far, I like Barnacle and Dime. Sure, it might be Tetris Block 3: Electric Boogalee, but it’s got a wider starting point, so you’re not bottlenecked as hard when the going gets tough. I also can’t wait to taste the Painbrush tomorrow. Also, one more thing: I’ve decided to change my name for a month as a joke to 12yearold. I changed my banner and clothes and hairstyle to match those of a 12-year-old boy. Let’s commit some Internet fraud. Also, another more thing, Too Many Trizookas is coming Monday and Tuesday, and the mode is Tower Control? I already use the Clash Blaster for Tower Control. This won’t be much of a difference. Finally, they added confetti to the Tableturf victory screen. Yay.

June 1: Alright, boys. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. We’re finally trying the Painbrush, and it’s time to bring the pain.

The first battle was on Inkblot Art Academy. There were two Light Tetra Dualies on the other team, so this would be interesting. One thing I quickly realized about the Painbrush, two things, actually. The first thing is that it’s slower than I was expecting. I thought it was going to be a new innovation in fast. The second thing is that it takes up so much ink. Simply existing will give you a low ink warning. The third thing is that there was a Splatterscope perched on top in the middle scoping me down, but oh look. Someone disconnected. I guess the battle’s over now. There are two Zipcasters on our base. I hope they had fun. The first battle was on Barnacle and Dime. Idrluvr444 the Splatterscope was on our team, and the Light Tetras were gone. However, the Painbrush is still slow, and I still don’t know what Barnacle and Dime looks like. I got close a couple times to splatting Brennan the Bigger Swig Roller, but they got away, and I tried to chase them, but then I got hit by a Rapid Blaster Pro Deco to the face. We lost by 24 percent.

The second battle was on Inkblot Art Academy. We had a Neo Splash and a Neo Sploosh, but they had Idrluvr444 who, since switching teams, has gotten better at the game. They would just stand on top of that tower in the middle and splat people. Honestly, if they just got rid of that tower, the stage would be much better. I discovered that the Painbrush is easier to use if you hit ZR at the speed of the Painbrush’s swings instead of wildly mashing it. Doesn’t solve the ink efficiency problem, though. I was able to super jump camp a couple people near the end. We took the center back, but we still lost by five percent. Oh, boy.

The third battle was on Inkblot Art Academy. Idrluvr444 was gone. Now we had no chargers to worry about. I could swim about to my heart’s content. I say swim because I need to refill often and take longer doing it. Still, I’d run out of ink right when it mattered. DoodleACat the Tenta Sorella Brella super-jumped to me with the shield ready to protect both themself and me from Agent 0 the Forge Splattershot Pro, but no Brella shield can protect you from the Booyah Bomb. In the last minute, we were starting to slip into the danger zone as the enemy team pushed us back onto our base, but in the last 14 seconds, we wiped them out. There’s no way we can win with this little time, but we can try. Hey, we won by one percent. I can’t believe we won when soggy_oaTs got zero splats. The two people on the right fist-bumped. God, I wish that were me.

What I’m trying to say is my disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined. I had high hopes for this weapon, but it was made for the Splatana Wiper crew, and I’m not with the Splatana Wiper crew. There’s only one thing I can do: get five stars on the goshdarn Inkbrush. But I’m gonna play some Tableturf first.

June 2: It’s time to play Salmon Run for the first time on a new stage: Jammin’ Slammin’ Salmon. I will make a point never to get that name right.

The first wave, I had the S-Blast, and thank goodness it’s normal tide. Oh, the lights are going down? That’s just great. I’m probably gonna get glowflies or something. It was actually Mudmouths, but I’m still on a stage I’ve never seen with a weapon I’ve never used. It was slow going at first because I had no idea where these Mudmouths are supposed to be. Then it was the usual bomb-throwing woes. Trying to throw a bomb when I don’t have enough ink, throwing one at a Mudmouth that’s too far away, I think one got hit out of the way by a Cohock coming out. After 100 seconds of floundering around, we survived. The second wave, I had the Sploosh-O-Matic, which I can work with. It was also high tide, and oh my goodness, this is the smallest high tide stage imaginable. How are you supposed to go anywhere, especially with this Fish Stick next to the basket, two Flyfish at the same time, this Chum’s hitting you on the head. How did that Drizzler get there? Whoops, I fell in the water. Wait, what’s going on? Anyway, we were wiped out with nine eggs out of 13.

Of course I lost. This is my first time. The second time should go a bit better. The first wave, I had the Splat Charger. It was also high tide. And it was nighttime. High tide on the most horrible stage at high tide? We’re probably gonna get Grillers. It was actually Mothership, which has the silly goofy music, and if it has the silly goofy music, it’s probably gonna be alright. We got a good start with this one. I think you can look at their helmets to see which ones have the Golden Eggs, but there’s so much going on that I couldn’t pay attention to that. Usually, I go tap shots all the way with chargers, but with the Mothership coming in, this might be the time for charged shots. At least, it would be if this Chum didn’t stop hitting me. Haven’t you ever heard of personal space? Luckily, my teammates were on top of it, so we didn’t lose too many eggs. We were able to proceed to the second wave. I had the S-Blast at low tide, and, um, where am I supposed to go for low tide? Obviously, we had a slow start trying to figure out where to go, but we beat the first Steel Eel and went on our way. There was one point where one other person and I were trying to take down a Fish Stick/Slammin’ Lid combo. I thought I could get the Fish Stick from the bottom, but then the Slammin’ Lid came in. Both of us got crushed multiple times trying to get any eggs from anything. We did manage to beat the Slammin’ Lid. The other two got eggs from somewhere else, and we made it to wave 3. I had the Slosher at low tide again. This time, I knew where to go, and the first Scrapper was good as dead. Then we got a Steelhead. We were all a bit too close to fight this thing without getting blown up, but that’s when the Slammin’ Lid came in. I lured the Slammin’ Lid down without dying, crushed the Steelhead, which also happened to ground a Flipper-Flopper coming in. I get on top of the Slammin’ Lid. Take it down. Boom. So many eggs. I put myself on egg duty getting this bounty into the basket, but I left to take care of some Stingers that just showed up. I get cornered by a Steel Eel. Boom. I’m dead. I’m jumping around waiting for someone to revive me. I get revived, swim towards the basket for some reason. I fall into the water. Someone else fell in the water next to me. We got wiped out with 13 eggs out of 15.

But it was wave 3. Nothing gained, nothing lost. I’ve seen what I need to see. You guys have fun Jammin’ Slammin’ Salmons.

Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back next week for even more Splatoon craziness, including the first round of Challenges.

Listen to this on YouTube! https://youtu.be/0sWinHUsF5Q