The Splat Grind--4/7

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Splat Grind because the Splat Grind stops for no one, not even just a very determined Bloblobber. Today, I’m going to tell you my Splatoon 3 highlights from the past week.

March 31 at 7 pm: For those of you who haven’t heard my Relevnt podcasts, you should know that I go through Splatfest battles really fast because there’s so many of them. This month’s Splatfest is Nessie vs. Aliens vs. Bigfoot. Hopefully, this won’t go like the Milk Chocolate Splatfest, and Aliens can win this one.

Battle 1: Undertow Spillway against Team Nessie. One person on my team started a second early in a moment of weird anti-lag. That person also disconnected but just late enough in the battle that it could finish and the other team could whoop us by 38 percent. At least my ratio is safe. Battle 2: Flounder Heights against Team Aliens. The new translucent Ultra Stamp is actually helping me track down enemies and kill them. Then someone on my team disconnected but just late enough in the battle that it could finish and the other team could beat us by 13 percent, but I got 1106 points and five splats to four times splatted. You know, I was in a Tower Control battle this morning where two people on the other team disconnected. Maybe this is my comeuppance. Battle 3: Flounder Heights against Team Nessie. And it was a 10x battle. Fifteen minutes into the Splatfest, and I had already found a 10x battle. This battle was a whole lot of wondering where the other team is. Ryluu and supernova killed them all. Nah. There was this one part where I super-jumped onto a wall somehow and splatted someone while jumping down using nothing but brush-swinging and sheer determination, so they killed them all except one. We beat ‘em out of the park by 20 percent. It just goes to show what you can do if you put your mind to it and actually have four people on your team.

I had won a 10x battle. I had won a 10x battle. I’m still not over it. It wasn’t until I was finished at the Shell-Out machine that I noticed Frye talking about my teammates. So I had missed the part of the shoutout where she mentioned me, but that doesn’t matter because oh my gosh oh my gosh I just won a 10x battle never in my years of playing Splatoon have I won a 10x battle I’m freaking out I’m gonna go cry tears of joy now bye.

April 1 at 7 am: It might be April Fool’s Day, but I ain’t joking around. I’ve got my Inkbrush, and I am going to slay.

Battle 1: Museum d’Alfonsino against Team Nessie. They had two Splatana Wipers, and we had two Aerospray RGs. Nothing to worry about except for the fact that they kept invading our home base. I had to be the slipperiest Inkbrush main I could be. We got close in the end, but we still lost by three percent, but I still got 1169 points. Battle 2: Brinewater Springs against Team Nessie. There was a Dynamo Roller on the other team, and I’m pretty sure I put myself in the way of it multiple times. They kept invading our home base, but I was able to slip past them while everyone else cleared them out and joined me on enemy base. We won by 19 percent, so take that, spawn campers. Battle 3: Brinewater Springs against Team Nessie. The other team had a very determined Inkbrush, but fortunately, I’m an even more determined Inkbrush. They kept invading our home base, but I was able to slip past them and let everyone else super jump to me. We got close in the end, but we still lo–wait, we won? By four percent? And I got 1044 points? Actually, that last one is pretty standard.

It just goes to show that spawn campers never win. Also, where’s Team Bigfoot? I saw they won a 333x battle. Is it just those four people?

April 1 at 10 am: It’s only been three hours since I last played, but it’s Splatfest for goshsakes!

Battle 1: Undertow Spillway against Team Nessie. This time, it was us who had the Dynamo Roller and them who had two Aerospray RGs. They only had four Booyah Bombs between them, which to be honest, is kind of sleeping on the job. We kicked them in their aquatic faces by 26 percent, and I got 1363 points and ELEVEN SPLATS TO ONE TIME SPLATTED? Am I finally becoming the Inkbrush main I was born to be? Oh, six were assists? Okay. Battle 2: Manta Maria against Team Nessie. It was a fair match this time. We kinda ignored the center in the last minute with our big push to enemy base, but we still won by eight percent, and I got 1042 points. Battle 3: Manta Maria against Team Nessie. The Dynamo Roller dropped before this battle, and a Krak-On Roller came to replace them, so it was me the Inkbrush, an Octobrush, and a Krak-On Roller flinging ink everywhere while safia with the Dapple Dualies Nouveau killed everybody in sight. We won by 10 percent.

OOH! I just can’t stop WINNING!

April 1 at 1 pm: Alright, Team Aliens. Let’s keep winning because our skills are out of this world.

Bad puns aside, Battle 1: Sturgeon Shipyard against Team Nessie. The opponent to be scared of this round was stinkchees and their Squiffer and also the fact that their name is stinkchees. They also had two N-Zap 89s, so there were so many Super Chumps oh my God the sound of Super Chumps fills your ears. Anyway, we won by five percent. Let’s keep the win train going. Battle 2: Hammerhead Bridge against Team Nessie. The top splatters on the enemy team were Twi and Sive, but of course my beef was with beck the Flingza Roller. They were ruthless spawn campers, but I was able to slip past them in the end. We still lost by 27 percent. I knew the win streak had to end eventually, but come on. Battle 3: Sturgeon Shipyard against Team Nessie, and it was another 10x battle? What? The other team had two 52 Gals, which led to oh my god so many Killer Wails, but being the determined Inkbrush main I am, I individually was able to pump out four Killer Wails to their collective five, probably making the non-Killer Wail users very concerned. They put up a good fight, but it looked from the overhead that we were going to win–oh, we lost by 12 percent? Okay. I still got 1123 points, though.

Will I be able to get back to winning? Will Team Bigfoot finally show up? Find out next on this Splatfest.

April 1 at 4 pm: Welcome back to this Splatfest.

Battle 1: Mahi-Mahi Resort against Team Aliens. There was this one Splatana Wiper who didn’t understand the concept of a mirror match, but they did splat me and then immediately fall into the water for instant karma. I though we were going to push out the win, but of course they hit us with the Tenta Missiles Triple Inkstrike in the last 10 seconds. We lost by 26 percent. Battle 2: Flounder Heights against Team Nessie. The other team had The Ultimate Inkbrush Main who’s thirsty for blood. My team had me…getting splatted seven times. We were able to get a wipeout in the last 30 seconds and raze their enemy base, but I discovered on the overhead that we…sort of ignored ours. We lost by 11 percent. Battle 3: Flounder Heights against Team Nessie. The other team had an E-Liter, and their laser was definitely an incentive to keep moving. At the end, we were able to move onto their base, and we won by 10 percent, and I got 1039 points. As it turns out, that E-Liter got zero splats.

I find it hilarious that I’ve been through the entire first half of this Splatfest and haven’t seen a single Team Bigfoot member.

April 1 at 7 pm: I guess I’m not entirely surprised that Nessie is in first. We and Nessie have been neck and neck. If Bigfoot was in first, though, I would have been confused because they don’t exist. Anyway, it’s time to do some Tricolor. It’s on MakoMart, so it’ll be…interesting.

Battle 1: I was attacking, Bigfoot was defending, which is amazing because I had to wait until Tricolor, when all three teams are supposed to be there, to see Bigfoot at all. Anyway, I had to perform a little attacking-team-on-attacking-team violence when I had to slap one of the Nessie people out from under the Ultra Signal so I could grab it myself…and then die. I also had to outrun fire from Nessie and Bigfoot at the same time. It’s nice to see the other teams learning to work together to eliminate me. Once lil saint got the second Ultra Signal and Bigfoot got the jump on me while I was cheering for them, I had one objective: dominate and let the other teams fight for second. We came out on top, and I got 1178 points. Lil saint had us covered for splats, but we were both outdone by Team Nessie. How do you get 18 kills in three minutes? Battle 2 was Aliens vs. Aliens vs. Aliens. Lil saint and I were attacking again. The green team got both Ultra Signals. At one point, I decided, “I’ll use my Killer Wail here–oh GOD I’m in front of a Kraken.” Needless to say, green got first, but as the other attacking team, we got to piggyback off their victory. I also got 1288 points. Battle 3 was Aliens vs. Aliens vs. Aliens. Lil saint and I were attacking. The defending team started out in the lead because they had more people. Usually, the attackers overtake them, but they actually knew how to defend. Only one Ultra Signal was secured for the whole thing, and it was with a minute left. I just had to ignore the Ultra Signal and focus on grabbing turf. Also, at the end, I decided, “I’ll use my Killer Wail here–oh GOD I’m in the middle of a Super Chump.” So yeah, the orange team beat us into the ground, but I got 1189 points, meaning I had the entire lobby beat in turf, so there.

You gotta appreciate the gusto with which the green team threw themselves at the Ultra Signal with one success.

April 2 at 7 am: I’m barely awake, but the Splat Grind stops for no one–oh god it’s Hammerhead Bridge and Flounder Heights.

Battle 1: Hammerhead Bridge against Team Aliens. There was a Snipewriter on the other team. Oh, no. A Snipewriter. I’m so scared. I don’t know how good they were, but I was certainly good and bobbing and weaving this battle. You’ve never seen an Inkbrush main quite like this. We beat them by 19 percent, and I had 1195 points and three splats to one time splatted. Also, that Snipewriter got eight splats. It’s just that none of them were me. Battle 2: Flounder Heights against Team Aliens. This was another team that didn’t know how to mirror match because Freyesh and Colby couldn’t get their grubby little hands off our base. Luckily, RadDad was able to carry on splats while the rest of us suffered. We lost by 10 percent, but I got 1114 points. Battle 3: Flounder Heights against Team Aliens. The other team had two Aerospray RGs, but I wasn’t scared because I didn’t get splatted by a single Booyah Bomb. There was also one point where someone was coming onto our base with an Ultra Stamp while I was trying to go up the ramp, and I just went around them? Like, that ramp is so narrow, and the stamp is so wide. What, did I just perch myself on the railing? We won by six percent, and I got 1074 points and three splats to two times splatted.

Evidently, everyone on Nessie and Bigfoot is busy playing Tricolor.

April 2 at 11 am: I logged onto Splatoon 3 just in time to say goodbye to Mincemeat Metalworks and Museum d’Alfonsino. Funnily enough, the next rotation had the two ship-themed stages.

Battle 1: Manta Maria against Team Nessie. This enemy team was kind of insane. I think the Octobrush had a personal vendetta against me because they were always on my case. There were also people on our base, but we were able to get past them. Through some miracle, we were able to win by zero point six percent, which just goes to show that spawn campers never win, and winners never spawn camp. Battle 2: Sturgeon Shipyard against Team Nessie. They had two Aerospray RGS, a Flingza Roller, and a Charger. Oh, God! We still won by 25 percent, and I got 1078 points. The charger had the most splats, and their name was MANKSSER!? for additional emotional damage. Battle 3: Sturgeon Shipyard against Team Bigfoot. They’re actually real. I was running to center when I saw a Kraken right in front of me and shmooved out of the way. The other team had a disconnect a few seconds later, and I think it was the Kraken. Imagine tearing it up with the Kraken and then a communication error has occurred. That battle ended pretty quickly. Battle 3: Manta Maria against Team Bigfoot. They actually had two of the same people from the last battle. We were beating them pretty soundly for most of it, but then our big splatter, cheesefrog, disconnected with 30 seconds left. Somehow, though, I had the feeling it was too late for them. The Flingza Roller on the other team was on our base rolling around, and I’d just follow behind them erasing all their hard work. Despite the disconnect, we won by seven percent, and I got 1187 points.

If Aliens wins the Splatfest, I will personally go to Loch Ness and slap Nessie in the face with my Inkbrush.

April 2 at 1 pm: I know it’s only been two hours, but I’m already back at it.

Battle 1: Um’ami Ruins against Team Nessie. We were winning for most of it, but they came in from behind. Also, Kaiser the Splatana Wiper would not stop attacking me specifically, or was I just putting myself in their way? We lost by four percent. Battle 2: Eeltail Alley against Team Nessie. When the battle started, I just sort of saw lovemen standing there. Apparently, they’re the one who disconnected and ended the battle. Thanks for that. We were gonna lose anyway. Battle 2: Eeltail Alley against Team Nessie. Things were going unwell until someone else on my team disconnected and ended the battle. Thanks for that. We were gonna lose anyway. Battle 2: Eeltail Alley against Team Bigfoot. They tried getting on our base, especially Number and their Ultra Stamp, but we were able to turn it around and get onto their base. We won by 22 percent, and I got 1137 points and five splats to four times splatted. Battle 3: Um’ami Ruins against Team Nessie. We were winning for most of it, but they really came in from behind. Also, Bong Water was on the other team, and I kept running into them for some reason. We lost by 30 percent.

Is this the part of the Splatfest where Team Aliens’s internet crumbles?

April 3: So Nessie might have won the Splatfest, but I’m pleased that Bigfoot got a total of 8% of the vote. I expected nothing less, or perhaps nothing more. But today isn’t Splatfest. Today is Salmon Run. Here’s where I am in Salmon Run. On March 3, the morning of the Big Run, I hit Go-Getter, and whilst playing Big Run, I played my way to Overachiever, so right now I’m in over my head and too proud to demote myself. Let’s win this.

The first wave was just a standard wave with the Squeezer. I don’t know how to do tap shots with the Squeezer, but it doesn’t matter ‘cause I didn’t need to. We were popping eggs in the basket like it was nothing. Wave 2, I had the Jet Squelcher, and the lights were going out. There’s an old saying: “Please God don’t be Grillers.” Luckily, it was Mudmouths, and I somehow managed to have enough ink to throw bombs at all times. Again, popping the eggs in the basket like no one’s business. WAVE 2 CLEAR! I had made it to Wave 3. I would like to thank Gone Fission Hydroplant–wait, it’s low tide? And I have the Glooga Dualies. Things were going well…oh, who am I kidding? They weren’t going well. I was running towards a Stinger, and the only reason it didn’t kill me is because a Chum smacked me in the face first. I tried throwing a bomb at a Flyfish, but it Tenta Missile’d me before I could. Suddenly I was the only person left, and I was like “Maybe I should revive some people,” so I run out to someone on the edge, but the edge was way further out than I was expecting, and I got Tenta Missile’d by a different Flyfish, and we were wiped out with nine eggs out of 14.

We all decided to go in again. Wave 1, I had the Glooga Dualies on high tide. We were all cramped into the same spot. The “one player left” message was going on and off, and it was never the same person twice in a row. Somehow, us floating life rings were able to clear the first wave. I was worried going into the second wave. I had the Nautilus on normal tide. I don’t know how to use the Nautilus, so I was just partial charging and then firing and charging again mid-fire. It seemed like it was working, too. This is where a Flyfish showed up, and I decided to swim to that corner and threw my Triple Inkstrike before the nearby Drizzler could get me. I missed all three times, but I think I revived somebody. Then I fell onto the outside and then something got me. The nearest person who could revive me got plowed by a Steel Eel, so I had to spend the last 20 seconds drifting around to the center looking for someone to revive me. We were able to survive wave 2, but wave 3–are you kidding me? It’s Mudmouths again? I had the Jet Squelcher again, but in the amidst of all the chaos, I forgot what weapon I had and started playing the Jet Squelcher like it was a Nautilus. We were definitely less on top of things than last time. A Cohock bonked me off the walkway, and I was just like, “Okay, thanks. I was looking for a different route, anyway.” We were still able to clear the round with 48 eggs out of 37.

I did it! I cleared Salmon Run in Overachiever. I’m just one step closer to being able to handle Overachiever.

April 4: The same Salmon Run rotation from yesterday is still going, so I think I’ll do some Ranked instead. The current modes are Rainmaker and Splat Zones. I don’t want to go into Rainmaker in Series until I can win in open without any disconnects on the other team, so Splat Zones it is. I’ve got my cyclops helmet from the Spongebob movie that I won in Salmon Run, so let’s go.

The first battle was on Scorch Gorge against Woomster, but enough making fun of people’s names. This battle was immediately going very bad. I couldn’t get my Booyah Bomb charged, and the moment I did, I’d get splatted. They must have gotten down to 66 before I could finally use my Booyah Bomb, throw it directly onto the zone, and with the help of Fox’s Triple Inkstrike, we were able to gain control for the first time. We might have gotten the lead. I swam up that pillar in the middle of the zone to get the high ground, but there were two Ink Storms at the same time, and I had to run in the direction of the one that was my color…and directly into a Splatana Wiper. Whoops. They knocked us out in three minutes and 27 seconds.

My entire team decided to bail after that. The second battle was also on Scorch Gorge against I<3UrMom, but enough making fun of people’s names. This battle was immediately going very good. This team must have been terrible at splatting because I was running around and no one was getting me. It must have also been my choice of weapon. I might have been scared of the Aerospray RG during the Splatfest, but it really is “press ZR for free turf.” We knocked them out in a minute and 20 seconds, and I got four splats to one time splatted. I think it was because the other team was that disgusting vomit green.

That battle was too short. Let’s do another one. The third battle was in MakoMart against…actually these names are pretty standard, but we’re the disgusting vomit green now. The other team had the zone first, and they had it for a long time. Leading the operation was a Krak-On Roller and a Bloblobber who seemed to have a personal grudge against me. Once they were at 44, we were able to wipe them out and take the zone for ourselves. I say “we” as if I wasn’t busy hiding from that Bloblobber. The Krak-On released the Kraken in the middle of the zone, and I just had to run around trying not to get splatted. Miraculously, I survived the whole thing…and then got splatted by the Bloblobber. There is also one part where I was swimming away from an Autobomb and also that Bloblobbler. I see this explosion of ink and wonder, “Okay, what killed me?” After a few seconds of standing there, I realize, “Oh, wait! I’m alive! I gotta get back to work!” We knocked them out in two minutes and five seconds.

I’m checking my stats, and as it turns out, that Splatana Wiper that was out for blood in the first battle was on my side for the other two. Maybe that’s why I started winning. Also, the cyclops helmet isn’t that great. I’m switching back to the Colander of Truth.

April 6: If you’re wondering why I don’t have an entry for April 5, that’s because I didn’t play on April 5. As I mentioned in my community post on YouTube, I got burned out in January, and when I started playing again, I decided the best way to fight burnout was not to play every day, so I skip Wednesdays and also Sundays if there’s not a Splatfest or Big Run going on. This podcast being this long is an anomaly. Anyway, since I skip Sundays and Wednesdays, I play Turf War on Mondays and Thursdays to get back into it, so Turf War it is.

The first battle was on Manta Maria. I was able to get into it pretty quickly. I got my Killer Wail in 20 seconds and splatted CAREBEARS. Screw those lil dudes. We were getting our ink out there and stretching towards enemy base. Then I got splatted, respawned, and found CAREBEARS on our base using a Super Chump. I waited for the Super Chump to explode, covered up the splatter, jumped down, and splatted them. Screw those lil dudes. At the end, we were able to group back up and reclaim the base and our center and some of enemy base, and the other team might have gotten onto our base. There was too much going on. On the overhead, it was too close to call, but we lost by 0.2%? Are you serious? I got 1337 points and four splats to three times splatted. Also, CAREBEARS only got one splat, and it was an assist.

The second battle was on Manta Maria, and I could tell CAREBEARS was on the other team again because 15 seconds in, I saw the first Super Chump of the game pointed at our base. We were able to keep a decent lead for most of the game, even when it got dicey. For example, I was about to run into enemy base when Toco set up a Tacticooler on our side, so I had to outrun enemy fire to get my drink ‘cause I would do anything for drink, and if I get splatted on my way to drink, then it’s a splat well splatted. All that said, we won by 19 percent, and I got 1311 points and five splats to two times splatted.

I got disconnected in between battles, so for the third battle, I was on Manta Maria in a completely different lobby. CAREBEARS was gone. This time, the threat was Fy-Twyxsi the Splatana Stamper. I tried splatting them a couple times, but they had the range and the ability to knock my teeth out with that thing. Our lead was slipping away, especially when Fy-Twyxsi made it to home base. It was just me and them right in front of each other. It was when they turned around for a brief second when I splatted them from behind, which goes to show that mad flailing really is the answer. At one point, I respawned and decided to super jump to Hifhatt waaaay on the other side. They got splatted a few seconds later, so it was up to me to live up to their legacy…and also just live. There was a Bloblobber nearby. The Bloblobber seemed to be everywhere. What is it with Bloblobbers being ever-present? Anyway, we won by 10 percent, and I got 1150 points.

I am just grabbing these wins. I don’t know what to tell you. Except main the Inkbrush.

April 7: It’s come to my attention that there’s an Eggstra Work coming next week. I’m still feeling a little Splatfest fatigue, so I think I’ll just do two or three rounds a day, permitting there are randos at my level creating lobbies. Anyway, Rainmaker. My goal is to win one game of Rainmaker in Open without any disconnects. Today’s weapon: the N-Zap 89.

The first battle was on Mincemeat Metalworks. We charge in, my team gets the Rainmaker first. Then someone disconnects. But still, my teammate has the Rainmaker. I can slide up there. I splat one person. I splat another person. Then the question becomes “Can we win this game of Rainmaker before the game kicks us all out because someone disconnected?” The answer is no.

We try again, this time on Sturgeon Shipyard against the dreaded PearlLover and MarinaLove. However, the real threat was CountLucio. They splatted me…and then started glitching aroun. Not a good sign. It was a one-sided beatdown. They knocked us out in a minute and 18 seconds.

That one didn’t count. On to Sturgeon Shipyard. We had the Raimaker first. I thought it went to me, but it went to my teammate who was getting splatted right in front of me. The other team definitely had it more. I’d try to stand to the side and splat the Rainmaker carrier as they were passing by. It did not always work, but when the Rainmaker had been dropped, I’d just break the shield, grab the Rainmaker, and leave. I made it pretty far without any interference. I even almost made it to the checkpoint, but there was someone standing on top firing at me. Also, someone on my team disconnected, if it wasn’t bad enough. I got it into the checkpoint onto the second try, didn’t make it much further than that. Needless to say, we lost by 51 points, but at least we were able to make the battle last the full five minutes and deny them their knockout. The thing about the other team was that their splats were fairly evenly distributed while I was being carried by xinkerx and Soggy, who got 21 and 18 respectively. How did we lose?

Normally, I’d stop here, but I was looking at that defeat screen thinking “...Alright fine one more.” This battle was on Mincemeat Metalworks. Bree also had the N-Zap 89 for additional Super Chumps. Lemme tell you, we were on their case. We had the Rainmaker first. Once it got to me after we made it through the checkpoint, I just had to slip past the enemy to get to the goal–WAIT THEY’RE WAITING FOR ME?! I did eventually get the Rainmaker to 12, but that’s when the tables started to turn. For one thing, I fired at a Kraken thinking it was the Rainmaker shield. I dunno how that happened. At this point, my mindset was “Annihilate. Destroy. Kill.” I’d annihilate the shield, grab the Rainmaker, destroy anyone who stood in my way (and failed), and killed people trying to get the Rainmaker. In the last minute, we still had a big lead. All we had to do was fend the other team off until the clock ran out–wait, why are we in overtime? No one’s holding the Rainmaker. Of course the other team had one last chance with the Rainmaker, and they’re…going backwards? Okay, now they’re going forwards, and for a bit, we couldn’t get close to them, but we couldn’t let them get the lead. I ran up to them and said, “Alright, the buck stops here!” and then I got splatted, but my teammate splatted the Rainmaker carrier, and the game ended finally. We had won by 47 points, and even with my 15 splats, I was at the bottom.

Well, I’ve got my Rainmaker win. Time to detilt in Tableturf. Hopefully, the bots won’t be too hyper-aggressive today.

Thank you for listening to the Splat Grind. Be sure to come back next week for even more Splatoon craziness.

Listen here on YouTube! https://youtu.be/c-tNk8tINz4